Son of a WHAT!-?
by Sylux
Summary: Minato Namikaze sucked at seals. However, even with his lack of expertise in the field he was forced to seal the Kyuubi into Naruto. So what does this mean when young and impressionable Naruto is forced to spend his time with the Kyuubi, armed only with his innocence, and childlike view of the world?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Minato Namikaze sucked at seals.

Plain and simple, he sucked at them.

Even now he could remember his first attempts at using the dyslexic kanji on paper under Jiraya's tutelage.

He could also remember having his eyebrows unintentionally burnt off during those same attempts.

He could even remember his latest attempt at the obscure ninja art, to create a time-space ninjutsu based off the Nidaime Hokage's very own. It didn't work out well for him to say the least.

**Flashback**

"Aaamm… Ne, Minato-kun… Are you sure you should be doing this, ya know?" asked an uncharacteristically frightened Kushina as she peered into a room of their quaint home, only to see the unnaturally blond haired man bent over a messy – very messy she decided – desk, furiously writing away on a scrap of paper.

"You have absolutely nothing to worry about, Kushina-chan! This is going to be one of the greatest jutsu's of the age, I can tell! I'll call it the Hiraishin no Jutsu! Or perhaps the Rasen Senko Cho Rinbuko Sanshiki!" Minato boasted pridefully as he completed the writing the odd symbols involved in the use of fuinjutsu on the paper. "See! I'll prove it!" He claimed excitedly as he started to channel chakra into the untidy supposed seal.

The results were instantaneous, Minato reflexively tore his hand away from the seal, as light blue sparks of electricity crackled into existence over it.

"Ummm, Minato-kun?" Kushina worriedly asked, already preparing to run for it.

Minato then did a double take as space literally started destabilizing around the room, his oak desk bending and warping in ways that shouldn't even be possible in three dimensions, but paid it no mind.

Well, not much anyway.

"Yep, I think it's time to leave!" Minato cried as he used his shinobi training to grab Kushina's hand and comically sprint out the door as fast as he could.

The moment they arrived outside their home, they turned around to notice a bright light and electricity engulf half of their horribly warped building.

The light only lasted a second, a flash really, and then it was gone.

Along with half their home, leaving smoking unnatural remains of the rest of it. They both gawked at what was left of their house, before Kushina made the first move.

"…Minato…" She said in a sickly sweet tone, as she raised her, now tightly clenched, fist, vein throbbing, "YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO USE SEALS EVER AGAIN, YOU GOT THAT!"

Minato could only nod dumbly.

**End Flashback**

Of course being the genius he was, he made Yondaime Hokage, even without the use of fuinjutsu, and earned his name 'Konoha no Kiiroi Senko' through use of his famous, personal ninjutsu in the Third Shinobi World War, that allowed him to transport anywhere, within a certain range and reason, almost instantaneously.

But enough about that.

Some may wonder why, if Minato Namikaze was so bad at seals, was he right now attempting to seal the Nine-Tailed Fox, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, into his only son, and newborn baby, Naruto Uzumaki.

"Minato, I'm sorry I used up your time," cried Kushina, as if more concerned about that then the massive claw poking through her and Minato's torsos, before turning weakly to her husband, "I know you can do it."

"Oh, it's ok," rasped out Minato as he prepared to use the seal. Outwardly calm, but inwardly panicking as he felt the last of his strength start to leave him. I mean sure he knew the theory behind hundreds of seals, this being one of them, just, he couldn't use them well. At all.

But, this time. This time he was absolutely sure. This time, Kushina was believing in him. It WOULD work. It HAD to work.

"Hakke no Fuin Shiki!" He called out with hardened resolve as he sealed the remains of his and Kushina's chakra, along with the Kyuubi, into his son.

Surprisingly, the seal seemed to have worked! That was a first. His vision starting to darken as he took in the face of the son he would never know, he had just one last thought:

'_Did he have whisker marks before I sealed the Kyuubi within him?'_

* * *

A/N: Well, that's the prologue to my first story done. Feel free to give any criticism as long as it is actually criticism and not just 'Your story sucks,' for example.  
Ja ne


	2. A Day Indeed

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... do you?

Legitimate Disclaimer: Not sure where I stand ratings wise here, so I'm just gong to put this up: there will be various profanities used here. If this ever looks like it needs to go into 'M' it would be much appreciated if someone could tell me.

* * *

Kaito Nishikawa was having a bad day.

That was the only thing he could think of; today was a bad day. The light came violently blaring through his window casting shadows through Kaito's room – it was still that early, wasn't it. The light, he decided, looked like failure. The shadows? Failure. He took a deep breath in and let out another detected sigh. Even his own home, new as it was from the aftermath of Kyuubi attack five years ago, smelt like _failure_. If one had asked him this morning, earlier, this morning as the sun had yet to reach its peak, he would have said that today was the greatest day of his young life. But alas the earlier euphoria had worn off it seemed. Of course all his troubles had to come from that damned Katsuhiko! Angry just at the thought of him Kaito he grabbed one of the few scrolls he had amassed sitting next to his bed and squeezed the thing tightly as if trying to project his anger onto this Katsuhiko. _'Chakra Basics'_ he vaguely noted, as another dejected sigh left his lips as he slightly loosened his grip on the thing, and reminisced about how the day could go so wrong…

**Flashback**

This was his day. Kaito was sure of it as he headed to training ground 22. In the previous days he had finally passed his genin exam, his third try too, he dully noted, and been placed on team 4 with Katsuhiko-teme, and Reiko Tamura, some shy girl who he'd never spoken to, under the lead of Mamiko-sensei. Even if Katsu-teme was on the team he decided that he could put up with him for being a genin, which was quite an accomplishment for a civilian born person, even in the times of crisis Konoha was still in from the kyuubi attack.

Approaching the training ground Kaito realised that he was the last to arrive.

"Ha! You actually showed up! I thought you'd be too scared to face me!" Katsu-teme jabbed, while Kaito simply ignored him. He didn't seem to realise that when you were part of a team it usually meant you didn't fight the other members.

Mamiko-sensei spoke up, ignoring the loud boy as well it seemed, in a serious tone that spoke much of her jonin status. "Kaito Nishikawa?" he gave a nod of affirmation, "Now you are here we can finally start this test to determine if you are genin worthy. You have one hour to land a hit on me, be it with taijutsu, ninjutsu, shurikenjutsu, whatever you have in your repertoire. You start now!"

* * *

The hour had passed quickly, at least in Kaito's opinion, full of himself hopelessly flinging kunai and shuriken endlessly hoping for a hit – none came, Katsu-teme making angry threats and jabs at the jonin and his own 'teammates,' and the shy girl – Reiko – he remembered, just generally looking worried and rarely trying to do much of anything.

Then however nearing the end of the hour it seemed Katsuhiko had, had enough as he yelled out frustrated profanities to the would-be jonin sensei.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" he had yelled out, "WHO WOULD EVEN WANT A WHORE LIKE YOU AS THEIR SENSEI!" To Mamiko-sensei's credit she only narrowed her eyes and made a powerful kick connect with the annoyances solar plexus, knocking him down, not many people could last even 15 minutes in the same room without trying to kill him for the arrogant nonsense that comes out of his mouth, kaito knew he surely would've tried to kill him long ago. Kaito would later recall hearing bones break in the process of that kick.

He would also later take great pleasure in replaying the sound over and over in his head.

He then felt all his hopes drain away as Mamiko-sensei gave them all a cold glare.

"Team 4 fails, you are all being dropped from the program."

**End Flashback**

Another dejected sigh escaped his mouth.

"I knew team 4 was a bad one to get," Kaito muttered to himself as he clenched his hand on the scroll again – _'Chakra Basics'_ – he remembered. "Looks like I won't be needing this anymore," he grumbled lowly, reaching back and throwing the scroll as hard as he could out of his window and out into the streets of Konoha somewhere. Who knows, hopefully he wouldn't see it again anytime soon anyway.

Bakers don't need chakra.

_THUNK!_

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki was having a good day.

Okay, it was still early in the morning so really he hadn't had much of a day so far, but he _knew_ that it was going to a good day. I mean how could it not? He had started the day off with a miso ramen instead of a pork ramen, and _everybody_ knows that if a day started off with miso then it was going to be a good day. It also helped that Naruto's 'jiji' was coming to spend the day, or at least the morning with him, and that only happened like – every month or so!

Naruto Uzumaki was short, even for a 5 year old, but living off ramen will do that to you whether you have a demon shoddily sealed into your gut or not. Not that he knew about that. He wore dark browny-green shorts with a white shirt, on it emblemised a red fire symbol. His bright seemingly unnatural, almost stark yellow hair spiked up in every direction, and cerulean coloured eyes, an odd shade of blue that wouldn't be found anywhere else, in Konohagakure anyway. But perhaps the oddest thing about him would be the strange whisker marks lining his cheeks, three of each one. Normally, if this was anyone else, this combination would have led grown women to scream out, 'KAWAII!' but alas these defining features would be the things to drive people away from him.

Naruto was currently waiting in his brand new apartment that jiji had gotten for him only a few weeks ago. It was really quite different from the orphanage he used to stay at, but he eventually decided that it was better, even if it was lonely at times.

It wasn't like he had anyone to talk to anyway. The orphanage matrons hardly gave him the time of day as it was.

A knock suddenly sounded throughout the dimly lit room.

"JIJI!" Naruto yelled out as he raced from his sitting position and straight to the door, flinging it open to reveal the Sandaime Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi. The 61 year old Hokage had all the appearance that came with his age, from the grey hair to the short and 'frail' stature; even if he was still one of the most powerful people in all the elemental nations, even he couldn't escape time.

"Well hello there Naruto-kun, been taking care of your new apartment have you?" He asked with a grandfatherly smile, which was met with vicious nodding, "Well then, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah!" Naruto responded, quickly grabbing his elders hand and leading him onto the street.

It wasn't long into their walk that Naruto noticed something incredible. Well he had seen it before really, but it was still incredible.

It seemed that _everyone_ in the whole village _always_ treated his jiji with a ton of respect! He was a little bitter about it though, because even though he was standing right next to him nobody even so much as glanced at him! And if they did it was always one of those glares he hated.

"So where would you like to go Naruto-kun?" The Sandaime asked, interrupting him from his musings.

"There!" Naruto called out pointing decisively to the top of the Hokage Monument where his jij had taken him once before.

"The Hokage Monument eh?" Hiruzen confirmed, before leading Naruto throughout the busy streets of Konoha.

* * *

Naruto liked it at the top of the Hokage Monument. He could see the whole village go about its business from here, not to mention it was peaceful and had a pretty damn good view too. But looking at all the tiny little people from high up was always amusing to the five year old. Right now Naruto had his eye on a group of four people all wearing the same green flak jacket that everyone seemed to wear, running through the streets, and then… Up a wall and along the roofs of the buildings?! Sure Naruto had seen them running along the roofs, but up a wall?!

"JIJI!" Did you just see that!" He cried out, making the old man shift his gaze to him.

"What is it Naruto-kun?"

"Those guys just there!" He started, gesturing to the entire village, "Just ran up a wall! How'd they do that?"

"Ahh," Hiruzen said, giving his grandfatherly smile again, "Those were ninja, Naruto, the people who protect this village and keep you safe. They were using chakra to run up the walls."

Naruto's mouth just quickly formed into an 'O' shape, "Sugoi!" he didn't really understand what a 'chakra' was, but god damn did it sound impressive if one let people run up walls. He then scrunched his face up in his thinking pose, which happened to look very fox-like with his whisker marks, and placed a hand on his chin. He stayed like this for a moment, much to the amusement of the Sandaime, before pointing accusingly at him.

"You're a ninja to aren't you jij!"

"Why yes, yes I am Naruto-kun. I'm what's known as the Hokage, a title given to the strongest ninja in the entire village, and this hat is proof of it," the Sandaime said with a bit of pride.

"What!" exclaimed Naruto genuinely astonished, "No way jiji, you're like, old!" knocking away the Sandaime's pride, making him hang his head and emit a gloomy aura, while muttering something about disrespectful brats. "Well then, one day I'm gonna take that hat off you and be the best ninja ever!"

Hiruzen quickly shook off his brooding and gave Naruto an obviously fake, to anyone else, smile.

"I'm sure you will one day, Naruto-kun, but right now it's nearly lunchtime, is there any place you'd like to eat?"

"Ichiraku's!" Naruto called out, just as expected, as they headed off to the small ramen bar.

Hiruzen Sarutobi knew that he shouldn't give the boy he was walking with false hope in the form of a dream he could never possibly achieve, but he had, had a hard enough life already, and it wasn't going to get any easier for him anytime soon, he needed a goal to look up to, a dream. He already knew how much it would hurt Naruto to deny him the right to be a shinobi, but it had to be done, after all what kind of ninja couldn't use chakra?

It was too dangerous, and not just for Naruto.

He couldn't risk it.

* * *

They had nearly arrived at Ichiraku ramen when Hiruzen stiffened, calmly shifting his gaze towards a nearby rooftop; completely clear to most, yet positioned with several ANBU, to a few. From the chakra they were flaring he had determined that, apparently, duty called. He sighed, he hated to leave his surrogate grandson like this, but there was work to be done, especially with envoy from Kumo arriving in a few days to sign a peace treaty. He crouched down laying a hand on Naruto's shoulder, looking the now confused boy in the eyes.

"I'm very sorry, Naruto-kun but I have work to get to. It seems something has come up."

"B-but jiji! You said we'd have ramen!" Naruto argued, a little discouraged. He knew he likely wouldn't be able to stop the Sandaime from going, but he'd be damned if he was giving up just like that!

"Yes I know, Naruto-kun, and I'm sorry but I must leave you," the elderly Hokage said, rising back to his full height of an impressive 5'4"…

…Well impressive standing next to a child in any case.

Before giving Naruto one last grandfatherly smile and turning away.

"…Okay… See ya, jiji." The blonde said, rather sadly, even if he tried to cover it up, as he kept on walking, except now with his shoulders slumped a little.

* * *

Naruto just walked.

Not to Ichiraku's though, that was where he and jiji were supposed to go, and it wouldn't be the same without him, it would just make him feel worse.

No, Naruto just walked.

'_Damn'_ He thought to himself, _'I wish I had someone other than jiji, Old Man Teuchi, and Ayame-nee chan'_ don't get him wrong, Naruto really loved those three but in times like this he really had no one.

Naruto was then broken out of his musings/longings when he heard his stomach give him a growl.

Perhaps his stomach didn't even want him today either?

He knew from a quick glance at the sun that he would have to head home soon, it was about lunch time now and he was quite hungry from the earlier excitement. Yes he'd have a pork ramen for lunch, perhaps miso wasn't actually _that_ lucky. Naruto made a quick 180 on the street he was on, and started to head back to his apartment. Most would've been stunned with the child's knowledge of all the back alleys, shortcuts, and streets, but like always, it was either ignore him or glare at him. It wasn't absolutely necessary for Naruto to know exactly where everything was and the quickest way there, it was just something that he picked up over the time of his early years… well his _earlier_ years of life. He didn't exactly have the greatest supervision through his time at the orphanage, not that anyone really cared, and he didn't have any friends there anyway, so Naruto had spent a lot of his free time wandering the streets of Konoha, eventually making a sort of mental map of the village, something that would undoubtedly become useful for the future.

Not that, that was his plan in any case; it was just way more exciting exploring the village then sitting around in his orphanage room.

Naruto quickly took his next left onto another generic, almost identical looking street, when suddenly-

_THUNK!_

- A scroll of some kind came flying out of the sky smashing Naruto right on the skull, knocking him down to the ground.

"Itai! Itai! Itai!" The young blonde cried out as he nursed his sore head, a bump quickly forming on his aching skull. The pain died down quickly, like usual, and he gave a glare at the perpetrator finding the scroll.

Normally a five year-old child getting struck on the head with a flying scroll would quickly draw some attention, and sure enough it did, only for people to quickly see the odd whisker marks and stark yellow hair and, realising who exactly it was, simply turned their heads, as if nothing ever happened. Hell Naruto noticed a couple even glare at him! What could he have possibly have done to make people angry at _him _when _he_ was taken out by a flying scroll! That made no sense AT ALL! In any case he quickly got up and grabbed the stupid scroll and gave a short look around for its thrower. Finding none, Naruto simply pocketed it, he would find the person who threw it and return the favour.

Someday.

Maybe.

Okay, so the chance he would actually find the thrower of the scroll, was very low, so he figured he just got a free scroll on… something. Quickly realising that he still held the attention of a couple the few glaring people he ducked back around the corner and into a back alley he had just passed that would take him the long way around the street he was previously on. That was the other reason Naruto made to know where all of the back alleys were. He _hated_ those cold looks and glares. It was even more painful because that the only attention – apart from what he got from the three people he had – that people would give him. So Naruto had made sure to know how to get away from them. He knew one thing for sure now though.

Miso ramen was no longer a good omen.

* * *

After a rather lonely lunch, in Naruto's opinion, in his dusty, and dimly lit home, his curiosity had gotten the better of him and remembered the flying scroll he had stowed away on his person. He pulled the scroll out of his browny-green pockets and placed it on the small table of the room, rubbing the phantom pain on his head as he did. Naruto's curiosity grew as he broke a small seal keeping the roll of paper together slightly unrolling it.

'_What could be on be on it?'_ He thought with a childish glee that was rarely seen on him, _'Is it a treasure map? A super important note?' _He was, however initially disappointed with what it had said; _'Chakra Basics'_

"Ch-chart-chackrah ba-basicks," He read out sounding out the words. To be honest he wasn't the best of readers, but he could do it, which was quite impressive for a five year-old in any case. It was one of the things that Sarutobi had made sure Naruto knew how to do before giving him the apartment, that along basic numeracy.

"Chackrah," He said again trying the word out on his tongue.

It seemed off, yet familiar.

This looked like it called for his 'thinking pose,' which he abruptly adopted, holding it for a bit.

"Chakra!" He then said again, breaking out of his fox-like pose, as if he had accomplished something incredible, "That's what jiji said those guys were using earlier!" brain working on overtime he continued his thought process, "…and if I learn to use chakras then I can take jiji's hat and be Hokage… and then everybody will treat me like like they treat jiji!"

To him the plan was foolproof. So he quickly set to work decoding the kanji.

* * *

Hours had gone by, it was now closer to night then it was to day.

Naruto did not mind one bit though, he now knew _all_ about chakra and its uses. So he basically now knew that one did not simply go out and buy a chakra, and if you put your hands in funny positions you could use it to do really cool stuff like breathe fire and throwing lightning bolts, but more importantly he knew how to unlock his chakra: sit down, put your hands in a funny position, find chakra, open tenketsu so chakra can be used.

It seemed simple enough.

Only problem was: he had no clue what the hell a tenketsu thing was! I mean it took him half the scroll just to figure out that you didn't buy chakras at a store! But none the less Naruto was determined, he would make it work, because if he did then finally everyone would start to respect him.

Naruto excitedly plonked himself down on his cheap floor, placing the roll of paper in front of him for extra guidance, and after surveying it quickly once more, he placed his hands in the depicted hand seal, 'Ram' or 'Hitsuji.'

It took a while put Naruto had eventually managed to calm himself enough to even attempt the exercise. He was supposed to find a warm kinda feeling in his gut and 'pull' on it in a sense, so far he hadn't found anything except for a sore ass from the cheap flooring, in hindsight he really should have done this somewhere else, he mused, when suddenly- there it was! Almost like a small, tiny really, ember of fire right in his stomach. Focusing, he gently tried coaxing the flame out, as per suggestion from the scroll. Yet he slowly became more and more frustrated, he could hold onto the feeling, but not pull anymore out.

'_Ah, screw it!' _Naruto thought, _'When the hell have I _ever _done something gently!' _metaphorically latching onto the ember of chakra and wrenching it out with all his might and will, only to meet a resistance.

'_There is NO way I'm gonna let those guys look at me like that anymore!' _He thought determinedly as he pulled even harder on the feeling, the resistance rapidly fading, then suddenly – like a cork from a champagne bottle – the chakra, his chakra, came spilling out, as it spread engulfing his whole body in a blue aura, not that he could see it with his eyes closed, and a warm prickly feeling.

It felt good he decided. Odd, but good.

The focus the young blonde briefly held soon vanished without a trace though, as a jumped off the floor pumping his small fist in the air victoriously.

"Yatta! I did it! I knew I's awesome! Wooo!" Naruto yelled to absolutely no one, before a wave of fatigue washed over him. It was strange. There was only about one other time in his life previously that he'd felt fatigue, when he was out nearly all day running around the village.

Maybe he'd just grab some dinner and head to bed, it was about that time anyway.

* * *

Kurama was having a _fan-fucking-tastic _day.

At least he thought he was anyway.

The last five years had slowly blurred together to the point of which he really didn't know how long it had been 'today' for, nor did he care really. He had decided that the first ten years of a ningen(human)'s life was definitely the worst, for him anyway. They were hardly ever in life or death situations, so he couldn't taunt them with his power for starters! Not to mention it was so boring, the damn humans never did anything! And dare he say, lonely…

He let out a guttural 'Gah!' banishing the thought process, instead deciding to focus a red slitted eye on this one interesting prison bar… again. There was nothing new there.

Ever… or at least the last 10,000 times he checked it anyway.

Nothing was ever new _here_.

Just the exactly the same golden-bronze bars that made up his newest prison.

Just the exactly the same weird green-yellow subconscious water stuff.

But hey? It was a definite improvement on his last prison. A series of shivers ran down his spine and through his tails just at the thought of the memory. From personal experience being restrained and impaled for _twenty_ god damn years sucked to say the least. The worst part though, was with this new, shittily done seal, the fox _knew_ for certain he could break if he tried. The only problem being that because of how badly it was done, it had become 'unpredictable' in the fact that if he broke it he sure as hell would have no clue what'd happen. Anything from destabilising dimensional barriers, to creating a temporal parallax, to breaking the forth wall was possible in this case. So in other words: Don't fuck with it.

He hated that.

But more than that, Kurama hated that god damned fucking Madara. All the shit that had happened to him started with that douche, _including_, the whole freaking century he had lost through imprisonment. If that dick were still alive Kurama knew he break his current seal in an instant just to watch the fool die in the worst way possible. Perhaps gouging out his Mangekyo bull crap, before feasting on internal organs or limbs, one at a time.

Maybe…

He was always at least a little careful about what he ate ever since that one time in Kaminari no kuni.

Next up on Kurama's most hated list came Mr Mysterious Masked Asshole himself. The one responsible for his current predicament, and another of that infamous pink eyed bastards kin. He briefly entertained the thought of him and Madara being butt-buddies, figuratively, probably not literally; in league with each other with their bullshit controlling tendencies - but that was just stupid, Madara would have been old as shit for starters. The only reason this faggot wasn't up there with Madara was because of the fact that the loser had actually freed him of his twenty year impalement, and he had to give him that, even if it was just to control him. But sadly that had ended up with being imprisoned, again, he noted dryly, inside a yellow haired ningen, and that, had really pissed him off.

Actually his current container also ranked pretty high too…

"**Ugh…**" Kurama grunted. His eternal raging couldn't last forever it seemed.

"**God damn it!**" he roared at nothing, "**This is so boring! Why can't something, anything, interesting ever happe**-" he was cut off as his prison bars started to light up in the ningen's chakra.

Kurama hated that chakra.

Not more than Madara mind you, but pretty high up none the less. Perhaps he actually hated it less now that it had obeyed his wishes and made something interesting happen…

Pffftt, yeah right, he still hated it.

The giant fox shifted in his position and gave the bars ahead his full attention, as the blue chakra lining them started to pulse slightly stronger and weaker, as if responding to an imaginary tug of war. It was odd. The ningen had incredibly dense chakra – for a ningen – and quite large reserves, for its age, even among, what he had seen of, the clan of red-headed bastards it descended from. It didn't feel anything like _their _chakra though, or even his previous containers for that matter. That was the odd part, if anything, even if he didn't - wouldn't, necessarily admit it, the ningen's chakra felt more like-

Kurama was knocked out of his musings when it flared up again, like a blue fire being stoked up, engulfing the bars that lay ahead of him, rendering them invisible in their thick blue coating. The fox narrowed his eyes as he inspected the spectacle further, noting what he was seeing; the chakra was gathering around the poles-

No, it was coming from inside them! But why? This surely had something to do with the crappy seal, but what?

Soon the show reached its climax, with blue chakra exploding out of the gate confining him and flying off through the walls and halls that littered his containers subconscious, leaving the bars with only a small glow of chakra remaining, quickly receding too.

"**Okay… What the hell just happened?**" Kurama asked himself as he racked his brain, or whatever the equivalent was for a giant mass of chakra, for answers. Sadly he found hundreds of possible answers, as he surveyed the once great golden-bronze bars that imprisoned him.

They were now a dirty brown, black in some places, rusted, and corroded.

'_**Perhaps I should pay closer attention to what my container is doing from now on…**_' Kurama thought, quickly dismissing the idea, '_**Bah! I'm way too cynical for that!**_'

* * *

After a short time Kurama had limited his list of reasonable possibilities for the phenomena that had occurred down to two basic ideas. The first being that because of the bad quality of the seal it was taking far more of the ningen's chakra to suppress himself than it should, resulting in nearly all of it's chakra 'powering' the seal in a way, therefore when it 'tore' it's chakra away it simply made it far easier for him to break out of his prison. Which he could always do, and wasn't game enough to try anyway. In that case nothing changes. The second idea being that a copy of his container from an alternate universe was focusing on the seal as a massive dimensional weak point - which it was – with some kind of hypothetical dimensional drill working to crack through in an attempt to steal chakra from a five year old.

Both seemed equally plausible in his eyes.

"Hello?!" echoed throughout the dreary subconscious almost startling Kurama.

Almost.

This was odd. He wasn't expecting anyone for a good six years or so. But it _was_ interesting. In any case, he had appearances to keep and let out a menacing snarl to echo in response, and pumped up his chakra output and killing intent to match. Not too high though, he didn't want the pathetic ningen to simply pass out and forget about the whole encounter. No, it might work out in his favour for his container to be aware of his presence, he also might be able to learn of what had occurred earlier, since he wasn't paying attention to it's actions at the time.

"H-hello?" the echo returned again, noticeably both closer and quieter this time; probably the snarl. Soon the footsteps, and then later the feet themselves came into view for the fox.

"**Why are you here… ningen?**" Kurama grumbled lowly from the shadows, flaring chakra in his eyes to make them glow softly, gaining an intimidating effect.

Well, more intimidating anyway.

Naruto jumped. Pretty high too, before cautiously and bravely making his way to the rusted – no longer corroded – cage. '_**Perhaps that is due to his presence here…**_'the Kyuubi idly noted.

"U-umm… I-I don't k-know?" Naruto stuttered out, more as a question than anything else.

'_**So he didn't purposefully come here.**_' More information.

Finally Naruto reached the point where the shadowed figure became visible in the poor, oddly coloured light, revealing Kurama in all his glory.

"Inu?" Naruto meeped out, rather pathetically, in both human and biju's opinion.

"**DOG?! DOG!**" Kurama bellowed out upon realising what had been said, killing intent rapidly rising, "**I AM THE KYUUBI NO KITSUNE, THE NINE-TAILED FOX, AND THE STRONGEST OF THE BIJU! DON'T YOU DARE REFER TO ME AS 'INU' AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!**"

…and his container was now traumatized, but surprisingly still functioning. Mostly. It seemed to be out of it.

Now, Naruto didn't know much, but he could remember his jiji saying something about a Kyuubi once before…

Apparently he was like _super_ famous or something, and everybody knew about him. Yes that was definitely it. This guy didn't exactly seem very forgettable, I mean come on he was a giant in- no, fox. Foxes were kind of a rarity around Konoha nowadays, so Naruto had only seen a fox before as a skin from a travelling merchant.

Naruto's skin felt clammy and sweaty as he snapped back into reality with the lowering of the killing intent. Grabbing his violently shaking hands together, he forced himself to speak.

"Y-y-yes s-sir, M-mr Kyuubi-s-san, sir," he let out in another meeping tone.

"**Good… Now answer me; why are you here?**"

"I-I don't k-know… W-where are w-we? I was un-unlocking my chakra but, which was really cool…" Naruto then went into great description/exaggeration about how cool or awesome he was, gradually talking with more and more confidence as he went, until he completely forgot he was ranting to a several story tall fox. He was just happy to have someone how seemed to be listening. Key word being seemed. Even if his question was ignored.

'_**So it seems my initial idea was correct after all. It also seems that the seal is trying to compensate for the lack of chakra by trying to take it back, however because of my containers chakra being 'unlocked' now, it also seems to have brought his consciousness along for the ride too…**_' Kurama thought, piecing together the puzzle, until he finally noticed an annoying buzz in his ear, which sounded an awful lot like a small ningen talking about lucky types of slaty broths.

"**SILENCE!**" Kurama bellowed again, before remembering the question his container asked, '_**Fair's, fair,**_' he thought, idly wondering if he could steal a century off of someone and play it off with the same principle. Or perhaps impaling his previous container- No wait, already did that. "**Now to answer your question, we are in your mind. NOW LEAVE ME!**" He answered, stopping any forthcoming questions-to-be and raising his killing intent, forcing the child to quickly get the hell outta there. He needed some time to think about what had occurred, _without_ a small ningen yelling in his ear.

"B-but-" Naruto started to say, but was cut off by a fierce look. It was probably a good idea for his life expectancy to do what the fox said. Even if he had hundreds of questions swirling around in his head. He turned around and left through the hallways. As he did the shake of his hands quickly decided that it wouldn't leave him, for a while at least. None the less Naruto gave a smile. Mr Kyuubi-san had unwittingly made number four on his favourite people list, despite not actually being a person. He listened to him, kinda, and answered his question!

* * *

Kurama's gaze instantly relaxed as the last traces of that chakra disappeared around the corner, and into the labyrinth of hallways.

He hated that chakra.

It reminded him way too much of his very own.

* * *

A/N: Damn I love writing at 2 am. You can probably tell I wrapped things up quickly here.

I really enjoyed writing Kurama here, he is actually a really fun character to write with that hateful, cynical, shrewd kinda personality.

Anyway the whole 'chakra' concept is very poorly done in my opinion, so I just took a stab in the dark of how it might work for the sake of plot convenience. Basically tenketsu are either in an 'open' or 'closed' state, a 'closed' state is where people untrained in chakra have their tenketsu, basically meaning a small amount of chakra goes along their chakra network constantly, to keep them alive. 'open' is where all shinobi have theirs at, basically means larger amounts of chakra are constantly going through their body, and it can be used in jutsu's and all that. can not be changed back to 'closed' unless a huyga forcefully injects their own chakra, which stops ALL chakra flow. or something like that anyway.

Hooray for plot convenience from badly explored topics from Kishimoto!

Ja ne!


	3. Friends are Troublesome

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... I do, however own Kishimoto. I keep him locked in my basement and force him to make terrible changes to the Naruto series. No wait, no I don't own him either.

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki awoke with a start in his dingy apartment, flinging himself upright. He took a look around to find bed sheets messily laying across the floor and tangled around himself. The morning sun just barely making it to his window and reaching in. It was only early still it seemed.

'_Maybe I shouldn't have ramen just before bed,_' he thought to himself, inspecting the mess. Perhaps his isolation and loneliness was getting to him, because he clearly remembered having dreaming of chatting to some big shot, celebrity _fox_, of all things, in some gross, flooded basement, of all places, that according to Mr Kyuubi-san, was in his head! And all that just before running through hallways for what seemed like hours. Perhaps he was just going insane… Was it even possible to be so lonely that you went insane and made up a several story tall imaginary friend? Of course he didn't know if this was common among other children or not, but it just seemed very… not normal in his eyes.

Then he realised another thing. He didn't even say goodbye to Mr Kyuubi-san! Sure he was told to go away, kind of harshly too, but he just up and left!

Naruto decided that he was a terrible person for running away from his forth favourite 'person' ever without saying goodbye. Even if it was on request. Even if his, 'Mr Kyuubi-san' was more likely than not, not real at all.

He would have to fix that by being extra nice to the fox if he ever saw him again – real or not.

With that the blonde jumped out of bed, carelessly flinging his walrus? nightcap to the floor with all the other clutter collected there, and prepared for another day of his less than spectacular life.

* * *

What would he do today?

It was the question Naruto had been asking himself nearly every day he could even remember. He scrunched his face up in thought, lazily tossing the now empty instant ramen packet into the already full bin. What could he do today?

He could use his chakra again- no, he could remember that making him all tired, and that would ruin his day, and what a good day it was, not a cloud in the sky.

He could go back to sleep- no, he wasn't tired enough.

He could spend the day inside- no, yet again it was a good day, too good to spend inside.

He could wander around the village. Yeah that seemed right.

One would think that Naruto, after the best part of two years of asking himself nearly the same question and always coming up with the same solution would have learnt by now. But alas it seemed he hadn't.

Wandering around the village was pretty much all he could do.

Upon reaching his decision, Naruto slipped on his sandals, and made is way out of his door, creaking as it swung. He wouldn't bother locking it. Nobody would come anyway.

So now the young blond only had about eight hours to waste.

* * *

Passing by his old orphanage Naruto was presented with mixed feelings, as he watched the orphans that he previously lived with up until recently, being fussed over by the matrons working there. On one hand it was nice to be there, even if not actually being, _there_, per se, but simply the close proximity. It brought a sense of nostalgia and familiarity to him, it had been his home for his whole life up until only a few weeks prior. It brought a small smile to his face. But then…

On the other hand…

The smile quickly scrunched up into something between a pout and a scowl. He was _never _fussed over by _any_ of the matrons like the kids there were. Oh sure they never left alone to starve or anything crazy like that, just they wouldn't pay him any undue attention, which in turn rubbed off on all the other orphans living there, ergo why he could never make friends with anyone his age to date. Then again everyone in the village seemed to either like to be like that, or even downright hate him for some reason.

Quickly he spun around and kept on walking, turning his nose at the laughing children almost jealously.

Why was _he,_ in particularly treated like this anyway? He had spent the majority of his forth and some of his fifth years of life simply thinking that, that was the way orphans were treated, or even that, that was how everyone was treated. However that all changed at some point when Naruto was four. He had discovered that no one was treated like he was, hell that one kid at the orphanage with, what looked like, a permanently broken nose was even adopted! While he could only watch on, while no one even took a glance his way. He didn't know why, but it was always this way for everything.

It was as if he had done something horrific and everybody disliked, hated for some, him for it.

Too his memory at least, he hadn't done anything.

Taking in the slowly gathering crowd of villagers that were making it onto the streets for… Whatever it was that the spent their days doing in the village, the blonde idly wondered if he went missing, how long it would take for someone to notice he was gone.

'_Prob'ly forever…_' he thought sadly giving a sigh. A shudder went down his spine and he started to shiver slightly. '_Uggh…_ _Better stop that._' It was a little known fact, but Naruto actually held a severe dislike to high level brooding and emo tendencies. His thoughts momentarily went back to the orphanage's resident emo. The child simply shut himself in his room all day, every day, and when he wasn't he was always moping around about his parents, who Naruto had assumed, were dead. Of course the blond, being himself, had tried to feel sympathetic for the boy, but it was just _so_ _hard_, especially when he would just go and on about his parents and being a total ass and rude about it. Considering that hardly any of the children even knew of their own parents, Naruto included, the boy quickly made a bad impression on everybody, and garnered dislike from nearly all the residents.

Yes. Emo's came in second out of two in Naruto's own most hated list, right after glares.

Naruto would be damned if he found himself becoming one of the brooders.

None the less, deciding he had enough of the society that seemed to revolve around ignoring or glaring at him for the moment, Naruto figured it best if he head to a park. They were always nice and quiet.

I mean plants couldn't exactly hate someone could they?

Much less glare.

* * *

The wind was nice and relaxing as it blew through the trees, carrying all manner of sounds along with it for the ride.

Birds, Naruto noted picking out the tweeting sounds from among all the others, from his seat at the base of a tree.

A dog barking.

People talking.

Leaves rustling.

Children crying out in anger and distress?

Curious as to the origin of the noise, Naruto got up, walking over to by the bushes that covered 'his' tree, peering at the scene before him.

"…were here first!" A loud, confident blond girl, about his own age if he had to guess, stood at the edge of the sandpit there facing down three generic looking bullies. Along with her stood a slightly chubby boy, albeit, it was more standing behind the girl looking scared, and another boy with his hair in a pineapple shape, who seemed to be…

Sitting down sleeping?

Okay?

"And? We're older!" Generic bully #1 exclaimed, 'towering' over the stubborn girl.

"Yeah!" Generic bully #2 chimed in.

"I'm eight!" Generic bully #3 boasted pridefully.

"So just get lost you babies!" Generic bully #2 finished.

"No way!" The blond said, placing her hands on her hips. This action only seemed to aggravate them, however.

Naruto found himself in a bit of an emotional pickle here, should he step in? He knew what it felt like to be talked to like that. It sucked. But what if he got himself hurt or something, it wasn't really his problem either.

"Just get lost already!" Generic bully #1 cried.

"I'm eight!" Generic bully #3 boasted pridefully.

"M-maybe we should just let them have the sandpit already, Ino?" the chubby boy stuttered shyly from behind the newly named 'Ino.'

'_Ha, when has that ever stopped me before!_' Naruto thought, continuing his interrupted thought process. He pushed bushes apart, jumping in on the scene, almost literally.

"Another one of your baby friends?" Generic bully #2 sneered.

"I'm eight!" Generic bully #3 boasted pridefully.

"Hey!" Naruto exclaimed, ignoring their comments, accusingly poking his finger at #2's chest, "How about you get lost! They were here first!"

"No way! We're not going to listen to you kid!" Generic bully #1 retorted.

"I'm eight!" Generic bully #3 boasted pridefully.

"Well they were still here first!" Naruto, cried.

"Exactly," The girl- Ino, agreed.

"Yeah," The chubby boy, shyly called as well. The other one seemed to be awake now, but not really caring.

"I'm eight!" Generic bully #3 boasted pridefully.

"I'm not gonna-" Generic bully #1 started, before generic bully #2 started whispering something in his ear, which the others couldn't hear.

"_I think I heard about that kid before,_" he had said, "_This one time, I heard my mum saying he was trouble._"

"Yeah whatever!" Generic bully #1 called out, before turning around and running away with his friends. #2's mum was hardly ever wrong, and he didn't want to get in trouble if this kid was trouble.

To an eight year old it made sense.

"Hey, thanks for that," Ino said turning to Naruto, "I don't know why they ran off though…" Naruto had a small suspicion why. His eyes widened visibly as he realised what had just happened; somebody had thanked him.

_Him_.

Nervous all of a sudden Naruto scratched the back of his head embarrassedly.

"Umm, yeah, don't worry about it?" He tried, testing the unfamiliar words he found on his tongue, before trying to play it off, "Oh! Umm, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, by the way!" Half expecting them to walk off at the mention of his name, the blond demon container was happily surprised when they simply smiled.

_Smiled!_

"Cool, I'm Yamanaka Ino," Ino, the obvious leader of the small group said, before gesturing to her chubby friend, "That's Akimichi Choji," which was met with a 'hey' and a smile, and then to the now alert pineapple head, ", and that's Nara Shikamaru," which was met by a calculative gaze – not a bad one - and a 'hey.'

"…and they're both lazy," Ino added, making them hang their heads dejectedly, "So anyway, do you want to play with us?" Naruto was astounded. He quickly pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, finding it real his first thoughts were to yell out 'YES!' however, dumbfounded, Naruto could only choke out a small "O-okay."

Unbeknownst to Naruto, this act would create some of his fondest memories.

* * *

They had moved on quickly from the sandpit, getting to know each other along with playing other activities and games, nearly all of which Naruto was new to, before lunchtime came around. At some point Shikamaru decided to give his new friend a question that had been bugging him.

"Hey, Naruto," He started, gaining the boys attention, "Are your parents around here somewhere?" he certainly hadn't seen anyone watching over them like an ordinary parent would. Upon seeing the sad face the blond made, he instantly knew he had said the wrong thing.

"Now what'd you say that for, Shikamaru!" Ino whined in mock anger.

"I… I don't have any parents. I'm an orphan…" he said, before giving a fake smile and finishing cheerily, upon noticing the change in the mood and misinterpreting Ino's 'anger', "But it's okay! I never even knew 'em anyway!"

"…Troublesome, sorry about that," the pineapple haired boy said, not convinced by the cheery attitude in the slightest.

This plunged the four into a very awkward silence, which was eventually broken by Choji upon seeing his 'slightly' overweight father approaching.

"So, um, do you wanna come with us for lunch?" He proposed, "My tou-san is taking us all out to Yakiniku Q," sending their attention to his father.

Naruto _knew_ he had to create some kind of excuse to… well, excuse, himself. He already knew from experience that Ichiraku's was the only restaurant where he was actually welcome…

Yet he also found himself with an odd feeling he hadn't really come across before, one of actually wanting to go anyway; to stay with _his friends_. He was at a loss.

"Well… I don't have any money," He answered truthfully. At least it was a half-truth anyway. Of course he had money – jiji had made sure of that, – just none on him.

Bringing his hand to his tubby chin, Choji replied, "I'm sure we could cover for you, it can be a thank you present for standing up for us earlier!"

"Yeah!" Ino chimed in, obviously happy with the suggestion.

"I-I don't know..?" Naruto answered again, seemingly confused himself, before his stomach answered his question for him with a loud growl. He would try, and see how it went. "Okay," Naruto announced sheepishly.

"Mmm, my family owns a bunch of the places to eat 'round here," Choji added, "They're all great cooks too!" which was met with affirmative noises from Ino and Shikamaru.

"Hey, touchan!" Choji called, breaking away from the group towards his father, "I met a new friend in the park today, do you reckon he can come to lunch with us?"

"Well I don't see why not," the larger man answered with a smile, lowering himself to his sons level, "So who's your new friend?"

"Uzumaki Naruto," At the mention of the name, Choza's eyes narrowed, (at least Naruto thought they did – he didn't really _have_ any recognisable eyes, only thin lines) and he rose his gaze to the group of charges he was looking after, plus one, in front of him. Particularly the plus one that seemed to squirm and shy away under the look of the experienced ninja. Akimichi Choza honestly did not know what to think of the blond demon container in front of him. Of course he had heard all the rumours of the child from the general populace, and as an experienced shinobi, he knew personally that rumours were hardly ever true, or vastly exaggerated.

However.

As an experienced shinobi he also knew of what he contained deep within him. The clan head had participated, much like many of the experienced ninja in Konoha's registers, in the defence against the Nine-Tails himself. It wasn't an event that he would wish upon his worst enemies.

Well maybe Iwa. Depends if they were still whinging about the Thrid Shinobi World War or not.

In any case, it was well within his right to be wary of the boy. He would reserve his judgment until after observing the child himself.

Unaware of the look haunting his newest friend, Choji continued to introduce him, "Yeah, he stood up to some bullies earlier for us, so we're going to treat him to some Yakiniku Q!" That seemed to satisfy Choza for the time being, even if that was not Choji's intentions. Anyone who would stand in the face of adversity for people they didn't know, had a good heart.

That didn't mean Choza would trust him though; at least not until he had the opportunity to talk to the boy personally. It seemed this would be is chance too.

"Well, thank you for that boy," the plus-sized shinobi let out, removing his gave from the child, much to Naruto's relief.

"Ahh, don't worry about it," the blond let out awkwardly. It wasn't everyday he got thanked.

"So then?" the larger Akimichi asked, drawing three curious looks from the children, and one worried look from Naruto, thinking he had said something wrong, "Let's go eat you four!" leading them to the Yakiniku Q.

Naruto's best day ever he decided.

* * *

"So, Naruto," Akimichi Choza started, attempting to gleam some information from the blond himself as they approached the restaurant, "Have you ever been to Yakiniku Q before?"

"Ahh, I-I, um, no sir," spluttered the startled Naruto. It seemed the child was slightly worried about the whole experience he noted, gazing at the tense shoulders. Obviously he had, had some bad past experiences. Choza could gather from the regard he was held in throughout the village, that there were likely few stores that would accept is presence.

Shikamaru also seemed a little curious about the newest addition to his friend group. This would only work in Choza's favour. Even though the boy had no reason to question the blonde's intentions, it seemed in his nature to do so anyway.

'_Heh, just like his old man._'

"So what were you doing in the park this morning anyway?"

"Well, I was just walking 'round the village, but it got _real_ busy and noisy so I just went off to tha' park where it's all quite," Naruto answered, feeling a bit put on the spot with all the questions. Luckily this seemed to satisfy them all.

Choza leading them to the side of the street prompted the realisation to Naruto that they had arrived at their destination.

Shifting the sliding door open the five headed inside.

Casual glances came from across the restaurant, only to multiply and harden as they slowly noticed exactly _who_ had entered. The reactions, however, differed only slightly from person to person, the large majority simply looked away and never looked back, as if to deny Naruto's existence. A couple gave them, Naruto in particular, obviously, a quick 'look' before turning their noses and returning to their business.

As far as Naruto knew, he didn't see any of his new friends even notice the reactions and simply headed over to an empty green seated booth, that was by the looks of things the one they usually went to.

Naruto had tried to stay out of sight by blending in with the group with him, but alas it seemed as if his stark yellow hair and whisker marked face drew everyone's attention immediately, no matter where he was or who was with him. Visibly slumping at the treatment that followed him everywhere, he noticed he had been rooted still in the doorway since their less then dramatic entrance. Quickly he hurried back over to the group, afraid that he would be abandoned if he didn't catch up.

The gazes of the restaurant when they arrived may have been lost on Ino, Shikamaru and Choji, but not Choza, or their meaning.

Sitting in the booth Naruto's three cohorts had eventually decided what Naruto would eat, mainly through bickering about which dish was the best. This was done mainly because, well, it wasn't ramen so he had no clue what half of it was, or if it was even food at all!

In any case they had eventually settled on the salted beef tongue with Welsh onion.

Now. Naruto may not have known much about any not-ramen food, but he did know that tongue was not something that _sounded_ like it was to be ingested.

Simply salting it and putting it with onion didn't seem like it would have much of an impact, no matter what Choji boasted about it. However it was 'apparently' considered a very popular dish amongst the village, so he would give it a go and see how it went.

Ordering luckily came as a very simple procedure as too. The waitress came over after a short while, giving warm looks to Shikamaru, Ino and the Akimichi duo, just disregarding Naruto's existence like usual. At least he wasn't ordering.

General conversation persisted throughout the wait for the food, which came very quickly. Naruto however was astonished when he took note of the condition of the food.

It was raw! All of it!

This, Naruto decided, was something to announce publically.

"Nani!" He cried, jumping to his feet, "It's not cooked!" pointing at the offending food. Yet this did not have the desired effect on his audience as he expected.

Everyone at his table was quite for a second.

Then, much to his chagrin, Ino was the first to break it.

By breaking into a fit of giggles. Choji shortly came in on the laughter, joined with the older Akimichi, with a deep, boisterous guffaw. Even Shikamaru was trying very hard to keep the smile off his face.

For reasons he did not yet understand Naruto felt very silly right now.

"-HAHAHA! Oh, that's a good one! Here at Yakiniku Q we cook our own food at our tables," Choza informed him.

Yep, Naruto was feeling very silly right now. Embarrassed, his face flushed and he sat back down without a word, sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

Soon the group went down back to their general conversation, as the food was cooked, and eventually eaten, on the charcoal brazier that embellished the table.

Much to the young blonde's relief the supposed tongue wasn't actually recognisable as such, looking only like a strip of obscure meat, which it technically was anyway. To his further relief he found that once cooked the salted tongue actually tasted very good, not as good as ramen, of course, but good in its own right. He had started slow gingerly eating his bite, as if it was poisonous, but after discovering the unique flavour the muscle held, he quickly ate up the rest.

It seemed with Naruto joining in on their group, he unwittingly became the tie breaker for any and all arguments. It would start with Ino making a comment, Choji refuting her claims, then an argument would pursue where Shikamaru, and now Naruto, were asked for their input, which for Shikamaru, was apparently too 'troublesome,' leaving the tie breaker status to Naruto alone. Something the blond demon carrier secretly, kind of, took tremendous joy in. The feeling of being included was what Naruto had been after for, well, all his life.

"I'm telling you!" Ino persuaded, pointing at the brazier which had finished its usefulness for cooking at this point for them, "That thing is hot enough to kill you if you touch it funny!"

"No way!" Choji refuted, "I touched one once before! They don't kill you!"

"Then you didn't touch it right!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Shikamaru/Naruto I'm right aren't I!" they both called simultaneously.

"Well it's pretty hot…" Was all Shikamaru put in.

"Hmmm…" Naruto had to get in his thinking pose for this. "It depends what you touch it with," he said decisively, nodding at his own answer, "If you tried to lick it you'd probably die… but not if you poked it I don't think." That seemed to make everyone happy.

Choza smiled at the interaction, reminded of his own childhood. He had long since decided that the demon container was, just that, a container for a demon, nothing really odd, ninja standards this is, about that. Despite his previous _experiences _with Minato's fuinjutsu ability, it seemed that he had managed to do something right with it after all. Unlike the last attempt Choza saw the esteemed Yondaime Hokage use. He shuddered just thinking about it, the food growled at him. It was the only time Choza had ever been afraid of food, or more in particular, being _eaten by _food. He still had nightmares every now and then. Breaking out of his musings Choza took note of the time. Inoichi and Shikaku – or more accurately his wife – would be expecting their kids back soon.

"Okay, kids, it's time to get you three back to your parents," he said, gesturing to Shikamaru, Choji and Ino, "I trust you'll be able to make you own way home Naruto?" He didn't really feel like just leaving the boy alone, but honestly he had no idea of where he lived, so he wouldn't be much help anyway. Naruto seemed to know his way around the village well enough from what he observed earlier.

"Yep!" Naruto said cheerily, happy that somebody cared for his wellbeing. With that they headed to the outside of the restaurant.

"See ya, Naruto!" Choji called out to his newest friend.

"Yeah, and stay out of trouble too, you seem like you're going to be troublesome," Shikamaru said with a smile. The blond had grown on him over the course of the morning.

"Make sure to come back to that park sometime too, that's where we always go, make sure to go there so we can meet up again!" Ino asked? Demanded? Somewhere in between that.

"Yeah! Of course!" I'll see you guys soon!" Naruto called out before they headed off, leaving Naruto all alone.

Again.

The loneliness slowly began to seep in as he stood in the Yakiniku Q, until he realised something.

This time he was lonely because he had friends in the first place.

* * *

Kurama gazed ahead at the once beautiful golden-bronze now rusted and corroded bars that contained him.

He was still trying to find any unknown side effects of the recent developments, and was having no luck in that field. It looked like he wouldn't be having any progress in that field any time soon either, much to his annoyance. Further investigation would require his chakra to pass through the piece of crap seal, and that wasn't happening unless he could convince his container to do so, which at its age, could very well kill it, not to mention it didn't even have a good enough grasp on its own chakra yet. He could try forcing his way his chakra through the seal, but that would not only put unnecessary strain on the already weakened seal, it would also alert all the half decent shinobi of the village and threaten his containers, in turn his own, life.

He would need to be patient…

Again.

Even if he just wanted to do some fucking research to find out if the universe was going to implode a couple of billion years ahead of schedule, he would have to wait for it.

Of _course_ he would. Just because he had all the time in the world, doesn't mean he liked having to wait. Kurama could distinctly remember being very impatient and impulsive during his first half century of life.

Needless to say, he learnt to wait very quickly.

Kurama's all so interesting and important waiting was, surprisingly enough, once again interrupted, as he felt one of the many chakras he hated, the one so much like his own, return to the seal, healing the corrosion on the bars just like the night previous. Along with it undoubtedly would come the small ningen, was his hypothesis to be proven correct anyway.

* * *

It had been a long day for Naruto.

One of his best too. He had spent the afternoon practising with his chakra, which luckily came much easier than his last time, after all he had to be really good to get people to respect and acknowledge him.

Didn't he?

After that Naruto had a quick ramen dinner before heading to bed. Only to wake up, once again, in the flooded basement that was the place for his dream the previous night. The same place he met Mr Kyuubi-san.

Curious Naruto followed the path he took before, to where he vaguely remembered the large fox was, to see if he was there again. Walking through the dilapidated hallways Naruto had a chance to think about his situation. It was weird, very weird actually, he didn't feel at all like he was asleep, or dreaming for that matter, but where else could he be? He brought his face into a funny confused look as he gazed down at his feet, submerged in the 'water,' only for them to be perfectly dry when he pulled them out. He got a feeling it was just one of those things that you just _shouldn't_ think about.

Looking at the approaching doorway, probably the only one in the whole place, Naruto recognised it as the one he walked in, and ran out of, before.

"Hello! Mr Kyuubi-san?!" Naruto eagerly called into the inky blackness, himself running shortly after his voice.

Well that proved him right anyway. His container was definitely here. He could have spotted that annoying blond fur approaching through the entrance way, a mile away. Literally.

"Mr Kyuubi-san! Your still here!" It called out.

Kurama gave a feral snarl and locked his eyes on the small ningen. Second impressions were just as important as first impressions after all.

Well, nearly anyway, but who cared about any of that when he still had an image to keep up. The image of a multiple story tall fox that slaughtered millions for fun, and razed whole countries on a whim, the epitome of a megalomaniac's wet dream…

Actually, maybe it was time he changed his image a little. A shudder went through all nine of Kurama's tails as the thought of the pink-eyed bastard himself keeping his own 'Kyuubi-shrine' where he did weird fan girl shit like sniffing clippings of his fur, while he remembered mind raping him, entered is head.

'_**Damn the masked asshole was probably in on this too! Hell, all their kin were damned megalomaniacs! Who knows what they did to me while I was being mind fucked by their bloody eyes!**_'

And he didn't want to know.

He quickly dragged himself out of his horror filled thoughts and returned his gaze to the small ningen in front of him.

"**Does it look like I'm going anywhere?**" He bit out viciously at his container, still a little 'upset' of the prospect of possible Kyuubi-shrines filling the Uchiha clan, as he referred to the rather weak looking bars that kept him in.

"Oh," Naruto had completely overlooked the rusty, prison like bars on his last trip here. Like most children would be, Naruto was may more interested in the giant, fluffy-looking, talking animal, than anything else. On further inspection the gates were only held together by a small slip of white paper with… something written on it. Squinting his eyes and turning his head slightly sideways, the kanji kind of looked like it used to say 'Seal.' To be honest, it looked like a dyslexic three year had written it…

With their non-dominant hand.

"**Now leave me, ningen,**" Kurama demanded. He didn't want to see, much less talk to his container at all. He had _way_ more important stuff to do. Like worry about Uchiha's having wet dreams about him, and Kyuubi-shrines.

"Nup!" the ningen happily cried. Wait what?

"**What?**" Kurama was actually quite bewildered by the response. That was not what he was expecting.

"Nup! I didn't say bye last time! So I'm gonna be extra nice to make up for it!" Naruto bravely announced, remembering his promise to himself. The blond stubbornly marched him right up to just a few meters from the massive gate, before seating himself in the strange, physics breaking liquid.

What the hell was wrong with his container? Surely it knew who he was?

"**You know who I am don't you?**" Kurama asked, still with a cruel tone of voice, however, genuinely curious to the child's motives. Surely it knew that-

"Yeah! You're Mr kyuubi-san! You're like super famous and stuff, everyone knows about you!"

'_**More like infamous,**_'

"**You know why I'm 'famous' right?**" He asked patronizingly, still maintaining the cruel tone.

"Well… ahm… 'Cause you're a giant fox?" Apparently he didn't know that. How the hell he didn't know, Kurama had no idea. It would however explain the lack of fear though. No matter he would remedy this. He fixing his red slitted eyes on the ningen ahead of him, his tails flicking ominously behind him, as he let out the most dangerous tone he could manage.

"**I attacked your oh so precious village five years ago, intending to annihilate it completely,**" Kurama's face morphed into a twisted smirk as he let the words sink in, "**I slaughtered **_**hundreds**_**.**"

Naruto's eyes bulged wide and his jaw slack as he sat there.

'_**Bah! Works every time!**_' the large fox smirked to himself.

"…Sugoi!" Naruto claimed, fixing his slackened jaw and awed as he looked up that the currently face faulting bijuu. (# Now, wait up! Wait up, here! Author here, let's just explain this reaction right here, so people can actually understand this. You see, Naruto is ridiculously naïve, whether it be in the anime, the manga, or even this story, whichever way you cut it he is naïve, even more so this story because of his age and lack of knowledge. Naruto is simply too naïve to understand what is involved in, well, a massacre, and as such, he is interpreting this statement as: someone he is an acquaintance with attacked his village and beat up a ton of guys he didn't know ages ago. I mean honestly we all know what happened to Sasuke, who was never anywhere close to as naïve and nearly twice Naruto's current age here. Granted the situation was quite different, but the results were the same; fucked for life. The fact remains that a child, especially one of five years old, can _not_ comprehend such an event, without either visually being shown, or sever emotional/psychological scarring anyway. But just so you know, Naruto will not stay like this, through the course of the story he will come to learn and understand exactly what was entailed on the night of the Kyuubi attack. Well now you hopefully understand this response, on with the story!)

"You just by yourself!?" Naruto gaped, "Isn't my village really strong?" he asked, repeating something Choji had said earlier. "You must be like super strong!"

Now Kurama was perplexed, granted he had never had much experience with young humans, but that always brought ningen to their pitiful knees! But hey? He could never turn down a free stroking of his pride.

"**Of course,**" he boasted to still amazed Naruto, puffing out his chest slightly.

Perhaps there was hope for this ningen?

"**Now leave,**"

"Nup!"

Or not.

* * *

A silence permeated the gloomy subconscious as Naruto and Kurama sat opposite each other in eerily similar poses. Kurama sat forward, with hands? paws? crossed, as he held his head over to his right, in best attempts to simply ignore the blond in front of him.

Naruto sat legs and arms crossed, head turned to his right as he pouted childishly from said ignoring.

Every so often Naruto would break from his pouting and steal a quick look at the large fox opposite him, before quickly going back to his pouting. Quite frankly it was really pissing Kurama off.

He only just got some time to sit back and think to himself, even though he had ironically been doing so for that past century or so, and every single time he was on a good thought process of how he would have killed Madara, or will kill his kin, he would be interrupted by the stupid little ningen stealing glances at him!

"**WHAT DO YOU WANT!**" Kurama bellowed at the human with despicable chakra, in front of him. Flinching at being caught, the ningen quickly looked away, twiddling his thumbs.

"Your… your hair…" Naruto started.

"**My fur? What about it?!**"

"It's a really cool colour," Naruto admitted, staring the fox down, no longer pouting now that he wasn't being ignored.

'_**Fuck. What do I say?!**_' Kurama raged internally. What was he to say? _He_, himself knew that that it was indeed the greatest colour to ever exist, but voicing so would mean agreeing with his container! So what was he to say? A voice sprang up in his head, '_you say, thankyou…_' It echoed. No not a voice, a memory. A memory of the only other being to ever exist to compliment his colouring. '_**You're dead, stay out of this,**_' the fox thought to himself? Perhaps there was some mental side effects with being contained for so long after all.

"**Of course it is! Would you expect less of me?**" there, agreeing but arrogant. Perfect.

"No sir, Mr Kyuubi-san!" Naruto chimed in, happy with the talking.

The conversation then stilled for a few minutes until Naruto found something new to interrupt the foxes 'thinking time' with.

"Umm, Mr Kyuubi?"

"**What?**" the fox replied in an annoyed tone.

"If this is meant to be my… umm… mind," Naruto started, thinking about what was told before, "Then why are you here?" A fair question. Surprisingly.

"**I was sealed inside you after I attacked your village,**" He responded curtly, "**Now stop bothering me.**"

"Oh, okay…"

Another two minutes or so passed, until Naruto found he had another question.

"Umm, Mr Kyuubi-san?"

"**What?**" the fox replied in a slightly more annoyed tone.

"Well, if you're a fox right?" Naruto formulated, "and you're inside me, does that make me a fox?"

"**IDIOT!**" Kurama bellowed, "**Do you look like a fox!**"

"Well, no… but-"

"**Then there's your answer! Now stop bothering me!**"

Yet another two minutes or so passed, until Naruto found he had another question.

"Umm, Mr kyuubi-san?"

"**WHAT!?**" the fox roared as his left eye gave a twitch, "**Do you want now!**"

"Well, I just wanted to know," Naruto started, "Are you my otousan (father), Mr Kyuubi-san?"

"**HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIGURE THAT!?**" he yelled.

"Well I met this guy today with swirls on his face, and he got them from his otousan, so that got me thinking," Naruto reasoned, "I got whisker marks on my face, and you got the same ones on your face, soo…"

"**BECAUSE **_**I'M **_**A FOX!**" Kurama screamed in annoyance, "**ARE YOU A FOX?!**"

"Well, I-"

"**NO, WAIT, DON'T ANSWER THAT!**" he roared,"**AND STOP BOTHERING ME!**"

* * *

Finally peace and quiet.

Finally Kurama could hear himself think now his container had apparently woken up, removing him from his subconscious. Geez that ningen was, is, insane… and now, if he was right he would be returning every. Single. Night.

Oh how he hated to be right. But seriously how the hell could his container mistake him for his father? Just because they had the same whisker markings? Preposterous! That was probably just some side effect from the crappy seal.

'_**Bah! How would I even reproduce anyway?**_' the fox mused, unluckily for him there was no blond ningen around to disrupt his thought process this time, '_**The only thing I have to give in a process like that is… chakra… Fuck.**_' He could remember his previous container, Kushina, drawing on his chakra at multiple stages in her pregnancy, not to mention the chakra of his that remained passive in her chakra network. '_**There is NO WAY in HELL that- that…**_'

Flicking back through his memories, to a special one he had tagged, the one where he got his beautiful impalement revenge on Kushina. Picking through the details he noticed it. The small blond haired baby in the background, his current container, laying on the sealing alter, whisker marks already marring his cheeks.

'_**Fuck.**_' In some weird messed up way, he was actually related to the ningen. '_**Honestly how the fuck did thi****s**** even happen!**_' Silver lining? At least he found out why his chakra felt so familiar to his own. And here he was being so afraid the seal was stealing his chakra or something. But what was he going to do about his newest container/relation of some kind? '_Just give him a chance…_' the voice-memory echoed again. '_**And you shut it! Not only were you talking about that crazy bastard Shukaku when you said that, but you've been dead for centuries so stay that way!**_' but then again…

**Flashback (Freaking ages ago)**

"Remember, Kurama, things may be hard for you and your siblings in the coming of years, but you must endure," the Rikudo Sennin, Otsutsuki Hagoromo said, "The others will look to you for strength. The future will one day rest in your hands, I can tell."

"But oyaji… Why me?" Young Kurama asked.

"That, I don't know, but," He started, an odd glint in his rinnegan eyes, "I do know, that a parent's duty is to unconditionally believe in their children."

Kurama knew that this would be his last time talking personally to the old man when he said that.

**End Flashback**

That was right, wasn't it?

Yes, Kurama would give his… relation a chance.

God damn Kurama hated being right.

* * *

**Meanwhile (Kumogakure)**

A, the Yondaime Raikage, was watching the morning sun rise over mountainous landscape of Kaminari no Kuni from his office window.

It seemed that his plans in Konohagakure would be initiated within the week.

"Raikage-sama, word from Konoha," a nameless jonin said, materialising behind him, "Our sensors positioned in the area indicated there was recently a surge of unique, dense chakra in Konoha itself. Spies investigated that it came from one _Uzumaki_ Naruto sir. Orders?"

Hmm, Uzumaki were incredibly rare nowadays, his mind flicking back to reports of the last attempted kidnapping of a Konoha nin – Uzumaki Kushina. Given the unique chakra signature the boy had, it was a clear indicator that he was in fact more than one in just name. He would be a valuable asset to Kumo.

"Send word to Konoha, we will take the Uzumaki too."

It seemed that he was destined to succeed where even his father had failed.

* * *

Omake: Choji's face swirls

Naruto had just finished playing a game in the sand pit with his new friends when he realised something.

"Choji? Are those swirls on your face?" The blond queried. How had he not seen them before? They were so obvious!

"Um, yeah, I got em from my touchan apparently," the larger boy responds.

"Woah, woah, woah! You mean they aren't painted on?!" Naruto cried.

"Hey you're one to talk, you have whiskers on your face, but no they're not," Choji refuted.

"You don't inherit whiskers," Shikamaru started knowledgably, "You get them, it's called puberty."

"Wait, wait, a second, go back a second there," Naruto called out, ignoring Shikamaru, "You mean if I find someone with the same whisker marks on their face, it means they're my otousan?"

"It's a solid theory!" Ino chimed in… talking to a tree.

"Umm, Ino, what are you doing?" One blond said to another.

"Oh, sorry! You see I inherit blindness from my touchan," She said proudly, opening her eyes wide, "see check it out!"

"SUGOI! There's no pupils! That's incredible Ino!" Naruto said excitedly.

"Thanks, but yeah, if you find someone with whisker marks then they are totally you touchan,"

"Say Shikamaru…" Naruto started, "What did you inherit from your otousan?"

"The power," he started, "in my family is ancient and powerful, information on it must be given out wisely," His voice lowered to a whisper, "I inherited the power… the ancient power of the pineapple."

Everyone sweat dropped.

"What? It lets me get my hair in perfect pineapple style with minimal effort."

* * *

A/N

Yes, I spell my words with Australian spellings. Why? Because I am Australian! – Don't hate, appreciate!

Anyway… in case you haven't figured it out yet, the updating times for this story are going to be really, _really_ weird. Anything from a week to a month (though hopefully not that long), because you see this pesky thing called life pops up every now and then, involving studying, working, and alcoholic beverages.

Thanks for everyone who reviewed, favourited, or followed, hell, even if you just read it, it means more than you'd think to know someone's actually enjoying this!

Lastly as a response to thor94, Hiruzen knew that the seal would suffer if Naruto 'unlocked' his chakra, and as such couldn't risk Kurama escaping, ergo, he would be unable to use, or more precisely 'unlock,' his chakra if he decided to be a ninja – something that assumedly only rarely occurs. Hiruzen was basically treating Naruto as if he would never use/had chakra.

Ja ne!


	4. A Prank?

Disclaimer: I don't own London, Nintendo, or Game of Thrones... Oh and Naruto, I don't own that either.

* * *

'_I hope Ino, Shikamaru and Choji are at the park again today,_' one Uzumaki Naruto thought as he excitedly weaved his way through the busy Konohagakure no Sato streets. Upon waking the young demon container had found himself too excited about his newly made friends to even think about staying in his apartment by himself all day. The only thing stopping from heading back to the park at six in the morning would be the fact that the boy had slept extremely uncharacteristically long, sleeping in to such late hours as nine thirty! That was more than thirteen hours!

But alas it was totally worth it. Naruto had woken up incredibly well rested, for, well, being well rested. He even got to dream of Mr Kyuubi-san again! That was two nights in a row, Naruto pondered, perhaps there was some kind of relationship between using his chakra before sleeping and having dreams so vivid it was as if he had actually OD'd on some fatal variety of hallucinogens.

Not that the blond knew what hallucinogen was…

Or how to OD on one such thing...

BUT, it would explain why his dreams were filled with flooded basements and giant talking foxes. Well at least he finally got some of the answers for questions he had in his life.

Like… that he was probably _not _a fox! No wait. He'd never actually asked himself that before, and hardly had a clue what a fox even was until two days prior.

Hmm, well like… Why did everybody hate him! No, wait, no, he still didn't know that one at all. He briefly entertained the idea that it was because Mr Kyuubi-san was 'sealed,' to quote the fox, inside him.

'_Pfft! Yeah right, Mr Kyuubi-san is the nicest giant fox I know! No one could ever hate him! Even if he did beat up a few guys before._'

Now, Naruto didn't know much about this whole '_seal_' business, but he found it was quite obvious that there was no way that a huge fox like Mr Kyuubi-san would fit anywhere inside himself, much less without Naruto himself being aware of it.

That was just stupid.

Going back to his previous thought process Naruto thought up some more questions he now had answers for.

Well, now he knew who his tousan was! Oh, wait, Mr Kyuubi-san said he wasn't his father didn't he? Damn! He was sure that whole whisker idea was flawless! He had even thought it up with friends, and friends solved everything right? At least that's what people made it out like.

Going back to the drawing board, Naruto was shocked to find he was out of questions needing answers in his life. Okay so it seemed the blond didn't actually have any answers at all. Hell he was probably in need of even more answers now! Perhaps he should re-evaluate his priorities to more important questions. Like why he was having drug-induced fox dreams for example. These were real issues in his life, not 'There is a fair chance that I am a fox,' or 'Everybody hates me for no discernable reason.' Yes they were far less important.

But that enough of the supererogatory thinking. Thinking was unnecessary in most cases of life. He was on his way to the park positioned in the east of Konoha. Specifically the east one.

Understandably the 'village hidden in the leaves' had multiple parks.

Who would've guessed?

* * *

Ginkouka Inchiki was in a very irritable mood this fine morning in Konoha.

He had a very short, stout, stature, only measuring up to 5'2", however, what he lacked in height he made up for in waistline. Which was big.

_Very_ big.

He walked around in old clothes, making no attempt to cover his receding hairline, or even shave the growing stubble on his multiple chins for that matter. You see, there had been a remarkable series coincidences to make it to this specific scenario. It had first started _years_ ago when his parents had gone to take a lone out of Konoha's only bank at the time, just to be denied the 10,177,900,000 yen that they needed in order to create their own private hotel. (About 100,000,000 USD)

Perhaps it was their track record? Perhaps it was the fact that Konoha didn't have that much wealth in its entirety? No one will know for sure why, but they were denied. Here the first coincidence came into play, when out of grief from not being able to have their own private hotel, eternal hate for the banker, and his mother expecting a child, his name came to be: 'Cheating Banker,' 'Ginkouka Inchiki.'

Because the name his parents gave him constantly reminded them of the hotel that could have been, Inchiki had a harsh upbringing, and this gave him a very disgusting personality. It was soon after that when the next in the series of amazing coincidences came into being, when the only available job he could find was one as a banker. One he reluctantly took.

True to his namesake he eventually became a cheating banker, that one guy that took great joy in only offering loans that only had high interest and compounded weekly.

Truly an evil person he was.

None the less, the next coincidence came to play where he had, after years of being a terrible banker, been specifically fired just one day before present time.

This left him very irritable, as one could imagine, living in a rented apartment, alone, and now without a job.

So it came to be, that just at this specific time, on this specific day, that the series of coincidences leading throughout his whole life had been building up for this one moment. The creation of the greatest enemy Konoha's civilians had ever had. You see, the civilians of Konoha never _really_ gave a shit about any 'Madara Uchiha's,' or 'Orochi-whats-his-name-pedophile's,' they had ninja to protect them, and their children in the latter's case, from that, so their true enemies would be like the ones created today.

The greatest, and most destructive pranking duo Konoha, civilian and ninja alike, would ever witness.

In any case it had only occurred to Inchiki after he had started pouring milk on his cheap, knock-off brand cereal, that he actually didn't have enough milk for the amount of cereal he had emptied into his bowl. He would have to get more.

And that was what had given way to the ex-banker's, more so than usual, irritable attitude.

Stomping down the street as he went, Inchiki rounded on the corner he had to make, only to feel his broad midsection slam into something that, by the feel of things, was probably either small child or a large dog. Or perhaps an extremely large fox? Of course because of his size the impact had little effect on him, but peering at the ground he spotted the perpetrator.

He never would have thought that two of his guesses were right.

The stark blond hair of the child on the ground, currently making a chorus of 'Itai!'s,' was instantly recognised as the Kyuubi to the large man.

Again, irritably, Inchiki, stomped off not bothering with the child. "Outta' my way demon brat! Get lost!" he announced, firmly pushing the still-getting-up boy to the ground again, making his way to the shops.

Now don't get him wrong here, the ex-banker would say and do that to any child he ran into. Except for maybe the 'demon' part anyway. He was a firm believer of: 'I'm not happy, so you can't be happy.' He was never happy either.

Just like that, the entire meaning of Ginkouka Inchiki's life was over. It had all led up to that one moment.

* * *

Naruto just sat on the ground stunned and shocked as he stared at the leaving man with teary eyes. Sure people might not like him, but no one had ever done anything like that before. Ever. He gave a quick sniffle as he inspected his grazed knee. Yep definitely bleeding. Closing his eyes, Naruto pulled his injured knee in, hugging it to him closely. That was when something Naruto did not expect to happen, happened.

His sniffles echoed, bouncing of seemingly endless walls.

Flinging his eyes open he found himself not in the middle of the street, being ignored by everyone, but in his favourite flooded basement place, being ignored by no one. Granted the audience was only one… and they technically weren't even a person either.

Mr Kyuubi-san? What was he doing here? Was he just dreaming the whole time? Was the ramen he had this morning _actually_ ramen? Was he really a fox? So many questions! Immediately Naruto broke out of his… whatever he was just doing, and jumped to his feet.

"**Gaki,**" the fox started, unintentionally beating Naruto to the questions he was about to ask, "**Are you going to let that stinking **_**ningen**_** treat you like that?**" Naruto's mouth dropped wide into a big 'o' shape as he was hit with apparent realisation. Well two apparent realisations actually. First was that his Mr Kyuubi-san was actually calling him something other than 'ningen!' He thought that would never happen, and second, he finally knew what question to ask!

"Mr Kyuubi-san," the blond called, throwing an accusing finger at the bijuu, "You're not really imaginary are you!" Kurama was astonished.

"**You mean… It took you this long to figure that out!**" He yelled. It seemed to him like the most obvious thing ever, which meant it probably was because he was right about everything! Well most of the time anyway. "**I am starting to doubt your worthiness as my- …container.**" Catching himself before he could say anything he didn't want to say. Hey, speaking wasn't really his strong point, for obvious reasons, being that he had spoken fewer than a hundred sentences in the same number of years. No, his strong point lie in hating stuff… and staring contests, can't forget them, they were always fun, especially when you could make the opposition go insane just from looking at them funny with a bit of killing intent.

"Soooo… is that a yes?" Naruto asked innocently, literally not understanding the answer.

"**Yes - no, NO - YES!**" Curse him and his unanswerable yes or no questions. "**NO, I AM NOT IMAGINARY!**" He finally bellowed out, cutting Naruto off when he saw the ningen preparing to make a comment, "**Now… what are you going to do about the despicable ningen who brought humiliation to you?**"

"Hmm, that guy who pushed me over?" Naruto glancing sadly at his apparently better knee, "What do ya' mean?" again not understanding.

Ignoring his lack of understanding, Kurama continued, by suppling his personal suggestions. He had a lot of suggestions. "**Hmm, well you could start with tearing his limbs from his body, and then rend the flesh from his bones, burning and cauterising the flesh as you go, to ensure as much pain as possible. The of course you could always do one of my personal favourites and gouge out his eyes one at a time, to make sure he can actually see one of his eyeballs getting squashed before you hit a vital and let him bleed out, before feasting on the dying body. Remember that last step is the most important, if they're not properly bleeding out they can eat your insides and steal your chakra. Understand?**" Naruto was horrified. He had worked hard to get his chakra and did _not_ want it to be stolen from him anytime soon. He nodded violently, making a silent vow to always check if someone was bleeding out properly, whatever that was, before he ate them. "**Good, now the last one is a nice classic. You just have to stab them right through the torso, and that's it.**"

"I think I get it," Naruto said, nodding confidently with his strangely fox-like face, "It's kind of like a prank right?" Thinking about a prank someone set up in his doorway at the orphanage the previous year.

"**Well…**" Kurama sweat dropped, "**In some cases it can be yes.**" The surprise torso stab probably fit into that area.

"Hmm…" Naruto started, readopting his thinking pose, "Hey Mr Kyuubi-san I got a question."

One exasperated sigh later.

"**What.**"

"Do foxes like pranks?" he asked curiously.

"**Why would you need to- YES, YES THEY DO! HAPPY!?**" This gaki was going to kill him. An immortal bijuu. Perhaps this child was worthy to be called his relation after all.

"Soo, I think pranks sound pretty fun too. Does that mean I'm a fox?"

"**WHY! WHAT WOULD EVEN MAKE YOU THINK THAT!? NO! NO YOU ARE NOT A FOX!**" he bellowed in frustration, mentally adding, '_**Although with the chakra you inherited from me who knows what the hell is going to happen to you. There is a high chance my presence will play a part in it too.**_'

"Well you know…" Naruto said, "Anyway I reckon I can come up with some great prank ideas!"

* * *

**Meanwhile**

"So," Choza Akimichi started as he brought the cup of coffee to his lips, "I guess you've both heard of who your kids made friends with."

Today was the weekly gathering that Shikaku, Inoichi and himself would attend. Being that they were all on the 'inactive' list of shinobi, due to their families and positions as clan heads, this was the only way for them to regularly meet up like old times.

Best of all they could pass it off as clan business, when in reality they were just going out and getting coffees at a local coffee shop once a week.

Sometimes Shikaku had some good ideas.

"Yeah," the Nara drawled, in the natural Nara drawl, "Uzumaki Naruto, the Kyuubi jinchuriki."

"So," Inoichi said, putting his coffee down, "No doubt you inspected him. What do you make of this, Choza?"

"Nothing," Choza answered, drawing looks from the others as he drank from the cup again, "Naruto is just an innocent kid caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, the scapegoat. It's quite obvious that the Kyuubi has had no influence at all and as Jiraiya-sama said, the seal is completely stable by the looks of things."

"And the boy himself?" Inoichi asked, taking his own sip.

"A nice kid overall, kind of loud though, but," He paused, sighing, "but, you would have a ball jumping around in the kids head, pointing out all the developing and already developed mental and physiological problems the kid has, Inoichi."

"That bad huh?" Inoichi responded trying to get rid of the gleam in his eye from the prospect of all those disorders, "I kind of figured it would be."

"Yeah, by the looks of things he's either having his existence denied or hated. Hell, I'm no expert like you, but give it a few years and I bet he'll be welcoming the hatred with both arms over being ignored, if things don't change for the kid."

"Sounds troublesome," was Shikaku's only comment.

"Yeah very, but I'm sure you'll meet him soon enough," the Akimichi finished with a sip of coffee again, "The kids seemed to hit it off well."

"Hey," Inoichi said, "Aren't we like, not meant to talk about this stuff in public?"

"Eh," Shikaku shrugged, "We're clan heads having an official meeting. Plus everybody else does anyway."

* * *

It was time for Naruto's plan to be into action.

The blond was utterly stunned to find that while he spent so long talking to Mr Kyuubi-san when he 'woke up' the guy who shoved him over was still visible down the street. It was as if no time at all had passed!

Deciding to think about it later Naruto had, for lack of better words, stalked the man that pushed him over, watching as the man bought some milk from the store- '_A one litre bottle, what an idiot,_' Naruto could remember thinking, -and walked home, all the while being followed by Naruto from the shadows and back alleys he knew so well.

It certainly was a hard task for Naruto to stay so quiet and… well, not excited.

Upon finding the man's home, a cheap, small apartment way worse than his own, Naruto than headed off to procure some of the 'special' paint that Mr Kyuubi-san recommended. The conversation had started with Naruto claiming he needed some orange paint…

**Flashback**

"We could use some orange paint for it?" Naruto asked the giant fox, curious to its suggestion.

"**Hmmmm… While orange is obviously the greatest of the colours, I believe that paint is despicably inadequate for this revenge.**" Naruto pouted, "**Enough of that! Luckily for you, you have the pinnacle of all knowledge with you, and I know of something that would be excellent, some 'special' paint,**" Kurama answered, while orange paint would work, it wouldn't even hold a candle to what he had in mind. All the child needed was styrofoam and some high octane liquid petroleum. Yes this would be a good revenge. Perhaps even one to remember, after all, this was the first time he had ever collaborated on a revenge for anything. He was usually to prideful to do that. In any case this 'prank' would be magnificent, naturally, of course, it did come from a being born of his own chakra after all. Well most of it. All the child needed was some pushing in the right direction. Some guidance.

"Really!?" Naruto said exuberantly, keen to hear what his Mr Kyuubi-san had to say, as he hopped from foot to foot, sloshing in the water, "What is it?! Is it _really_ cool!?"

An odd, slightly twisted grin spread onto the foxes face as he heard this, along with a funny feeling in his gut. '_**Odd.**_' He thought, '_**I haven't eaten anyone recently…**_' He didn't know what exactly to think of this, and as such, just brushed it off.

"**Yes, it is. They call it… napalm.**"

**End Flashback**

It was past lunchtime when Naruto had found both of the materials needed to make the 'special' paint. They were surprisingly easy to find, it turned out he passed some of the sty-ro-fome stuff he needed, nearly every day in the one of the dumpsters behind one of the bigger shops in Konoha.

The liquid petrolli-whatever was quite a lot harder to find, but after some descriptions from Mr Kyuubi-san he had eventually sniffed a rusted can full of the stuff out. Literally. He could smell that stuff a mile away.

Naruto had taken the ingredients home, before he became struck with realisation.

He hadn't had Ichiraku's in days! That needed to be fixed.

Naturally both Ayame-nee chan and Teuchi-oyaji were both very happy to see their favourite customer run in for a late lunch and start excitedly telling them about his new friends. Oddly enough Naruto didn't tell them about Mr Kyuubi-san, he didn't know why, but he felt that maybe they wouldn't believe him or something. Even to Naruto himself the whole thing seemed a little silly.

The afternoon had been spent preparing the 'paint,' which in Naruto's personal opinion, was way easier than making paint was supposed to be, and gathering the other materials needed to pull his prank off.

Then one instant ramen dinner later, and it brought the blond up to current time.

It was time for Naruto's plan to be into action.

Naruto sat with his back resting upon the wall of the alley he was in, backpack resting at his side, containing all the equipment he would need for the prank. He pouted as he waited for the man to leave his house.

"Hey Mr Kyuubi-san," Naruto started. If anyone were to see him they were sure to think he was crazy. "Are you sure he's gonna come out?"

'**You dare doubt me?**' Was the response via booming voice in his head. Naruto scrunched his face up.

"Well, no… but it just doesn't look like he's gonna come out!"

'**Do not worry. He will,**" the fox replied, '**AND FOR THE LAST TIME, JUST THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY!**'

'Oh, oops,' the blond replied sheepishly, when suddenly some movement from his peripherals caught his attention. The man whose name he didn't know, even after a morning of stalking, was going out!

"Sugoi!" Naruto breathed out, already forgetting to think what he wanted to say, "Your right Mr Kyuubi-san! He's going! How'd you know?!"

'**Just… set the revenge up and get in a good spot to watch it unfold,**' the frustrated fox replied.

"Okay!"

With that Naruto quickly ran up to the crappy apartment and swung the already unlocked door open. '_Geez,_' Naruto thought, gazing upon the interior of the 'house,' '_No wonder he doesn't lock his door!_'

Wasting no time the demon container threw his backpack to the floor and grabbed all of the equipment, hastily installing it the apartment, as per the directions from the demon himself, to make sure everything worked to perfection.

The entire process had only taken about five minutes for Naruto. Swinging the bag onto his back he quickly sped his way out of the apartment, although taking time to carefully close the door, leaving it exactly how he found it. Now it was time to think of a place to watch it from. He would have to be able to see the building from there. It would have to be up high for the best of views, too. Turing his head around he saw it.

'_That place jiji took me the other day!_' That one definitely matched all the criteria, and it was pretty close too. Naruto didn't know exactly how much time he had left till the guy came back either, so he left for the Hokage Monument, if he remembered correctly, that's what it was called.

He had a lot of stairs to climb.

* * *

Ginkouka Inchiki cursed himself for his stupidity.

Who in their right mind went out and brought a one litre carton of milk when they were completely out!

_Who _did that!

All he wanted was to have a glass of milk with his dinner, but noooooo, of course he couldn't have that, could he!

In his frustration he had simply gone out and brought _another _one litre carton of milk, completely disregarding his own dinner, which honestly, was probably ice cold by now. Smart choice.

Nothing could make this day worse. '_Absolutely nothing at all,_' He thought as he opened his front door violently. Like usual. Only to hear an odd, yet familiar, 'schhh-woosh' kind of sound, the kind you can't put into words but try anyway. Not like usual. Glancing down at the strange sounding noise, Inchiki spotted it. A small match taped to the inside of his door, which had actually managed to light itself on the doorframe. He rose a hand to put the snuff out the offending object, when he suddenly drew his hand back, using reflexes that he really shouldn't have, as the whirr of rope and wire mechanisms sounded. An object – a water balloon he would later recall – flung itself from behind the door and, much to the horror of the ex-banker, caught fire, of all things, as it flew past the match. Yet it didn't end there as while mid-air a second water balloon was flung perpendicular to the original. Shy mere millimetres from hitting the new balloon, the original seemed to finally notice the fire surrounding it, and popped, spattering a thick, gooey, flaming liquid all over the wall and balloon in its path, setting fire to it all. It didn't even end there either, this new balloon soon came to meet a third one, which then in turn met a fourth and fifth one, carrying the thick, flaming napalm to cover the complete interior of his house.

Throughout this whole process Inchiki just sat there watching, helpless as his home was being remodelled from a total dump to a total dump of ash.

The milk carton had long since dropped from his chubby fingers as he came to a realisation.

"This place is rented!" he cried in despair.

How a five year-old could set this up in five minutes would forever be a mystery.

* * *

Said five year-old found himself watching on in awe, from the top of the head of the Yondaime Hokage, as one particular home in Konohagakure was suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree. Like an over stocked Christmas tree – on fire. Lit up in his new favourite way.

Like a star in the sky, the fires from the napalm lit up the village for streets around, stretching up into the sky itself, in a battle to outshine the moon and stars of the night themselves.

It was truly magnificent.

A small frown marred the boy's lips as he noticed the man run out of his glowing home.

He did not look happy.

Didn't he enjoy it too? Hmm, was the person you were pranking meant to enjoy it as well?

'**You missed him.**' Mr Kyuubi-san piped in, unamused.

"WHAT!" Naruto exclaimed, shocked, "Wouldn't it hurt him if he was put on fire?"

'**THAT'S THE POINT!**'

"I don't…" the blond started, cutting himself off with a long yawn, "…I don't want anyone to get hurt but… Just… Hey Mr Kyuubi-san?"

'**What now?**' the irritable fox replied.

"Do you reckon anyone would mind if I just slept up here?" asked the tired blond. He had had a big day.

'**And how am I meant to know that!**'

"Well, you said you were the pini-cal?" he said as more of a question as he tried the new word out in his mouth, "of all knowledge."

'**Grr… fine! No, they wouldn't mind!** **AND JUST THINK YOUR RESPONSE!**'

"Oh, okay…" the child said sleepily, obviously ignoring the last comment, as he rest his head on the rock, savouring the coolness it gave off in the warm hi no kuni night. Between his ever growing blinks Naruto watched as the warm glow of the fire was drowned out by water from some odd men wearing what looked like, from up there, some kind of masks, before any major structural damage was inflicted upon the building, nearly all the damage being simply cosmetic.

With that Naruto simply slipped away into unconsciousness, or, well, his subconscious anyway.

* * *

Unlike other times in the flooded basement, Naruto found that this time he was very much just as tired as when he was awake. And that sucked.

With sloppily placed steps, he sloshed his way into the room containing the oh-so-fearsome Mr Kyuubi-san.

"Mr Kyuubi-san," Naruto said, gathering the fox's unsurprised attention. After two nights of being annoyed, Kurama was full aware that there would be a third, and then a fourth, and the a fifth, and then a… etc. He was not looking forward to it. "I still feel sleepy!" cried the boy. Or maybe not?

"**Then go to sleep.**" Kurama said flatly, closing his eyes, trying to get some sleep himself. Perhaps he could sleep through the blond menace?

'_**The gaki's probably just mentally exhausted from several days without any proper sleep.**_'

"Aren't I already sleeping but?" He asked again, pouting and rubbing his eye in a tired manner.

"**Just go to sleep and give me some peace.**" Naruto seemed to think about this for a second before nodding his head and making his way over to the rusted bars that kept the fox confined.

This puzzled Kurama. He kept a red eye open, tracking the boy's movements. Reaching the bars he simply walked right on through, without even a second of hesitation. This garnered the bijuu's full attention, as he raised his head off the odd coloured water, watching the ningen intently. What the hell was he doing? Walking almost in a trancelike state the human soon stood directly in front of the fox literally hundreds of times his own size.

"**Gaki,**" Kurama said in a fierce tone, staring down the aforementioned 'brat,' "**What do you think you're doing?**"

"Getting some sleep," he said as if pointing out the obvious, pulling a small funny face. With that the blond made a quick, but sloppy, walk over to the fox, plonking himself down in the water, quite ungracefully, as he lay himself down against Kurama's arm? Leg? Whatever the arm-leg was.

Throughout the proceedings said fox simply stared astonished. "**Gaki.**" He repeated, "**What are you doing.**"

"I… I don't wanna sleep by myself in here," Naruto said, a little ashamed, "This place scares me a little." Although Naruto had run through the place a couple of times by this point, he still found it a little weird and scary the way all the corridors seemed to stretch on forever.

Now Kurama didn't know what to do, and as such fell back on an old classic tactic. Deny its existence and you don't have to worry anymore. So he just gave a gruff '**Hmppf.**' and rested his head back down.

It was however, very hard to ignore the blond gaki on his arm-leg-whatever.

"…Hey, Mr Kyuubi-san…" it uttered sleepily.

One deep sigh later.

"**What.**"

"…I like fire. It's really pretty…" At least it wasn't another question. Thank kami for that.

"**Yes it is. Get used to it, you'll be working with it in future.**" And it was true, Kurama had come up with plenty of plans for the gaki over the day.

"Okay." He said with a small smile.

Of course it was only another minute or two until Naruto had to speak again, even if he was more asleep than awake at this point.

"…Hey tousan…" He mumbled tiredly, this time not even giving the fox a chance to respond, "…I like your hair… its soft and makes me feel warm and safe…"

"**I'm not your-!**" he was cut off as he found the blond was already asleep. That and that pesky feeling in his gut again. Seriously he hadn't even eaten anything in five years! The feeling gave way to a very strange impulse that overtook him. Curious to the nature of something he hadn't yet experience in all his years of life, he decided to indulge the impulse.

"**Sleep well… Naruto,**" he said, much to his own surprise, before moving one of his nine majestic tails over to the boy, wrapping it around him, careful not to jostle him from his sleep. He didn't want to answer more questions.

'_**Okay,**_' he thought, snapping to his senses, '_**What the fuck was that?!**_'

"-**AND IT"S FUR NOT HAIR!**"

* * *

A/N: Oh, my, god. I have recently discovered the amazing super special awesomeness that is the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

I freaking love that book. So anyway, my reading it may have unconsciously affected my writing here.

Anyway, because of family visiting for the school holidays here in Australia, I will be unable to write much for the next few weeks.

just a heads up.

As said before though, thankyou sooooooo, much to anyone that favourited, followed, reviewed, or even just read. It means a lot.

As a response to hiddenshade knownwitch: Haha, no ino isn't really blind, it's just a random thought I had at 2 am. But really how _does_ she see without pupils?

As a response to DrBananaFace: Good to see an Australian here! Anyway, the 'kyuubi shrines' is just a reference to something real life fangirls, sometimes fanboys, do. Its where they become so obsessed with something that they start to worship it like a religion, designating part of their own home, as a 'shrine,' to their obsession. It's really quite scary actually.

As a response to Kedo: Sorry, but actually we get two chapters of filler and bonding stuff first :P

As a response to mellra: Glad you're enjoying, now as for the pairing... well, I'm simply not sure about it yet, so I am going to leave Naruto as, at the very least, neutral with all possible pairings to keep it open so to speak.

Now I think that's covered everything. and it is now 3:16 am. great. Note to self: do not write and edit on the same night - bad idea.

Ja ne!


	5. Mr Kyuubi-san's Big Day

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Starwars, Kristen Stewart, or anything else I may mention.

* * *

"Hey, Mr Kyuubi-san," a small blond boy started for what would seem like the millionth time to the fox present.

It had been a couple of days since their big debut 'prank,' and although Kurama wouldn't admit it to anyone - himself included, and at the top of that list – he found himself growing quite fond of the annoying blond menace. Of course, it was mainly something to be expected, given the fact that said small blond boy was the only being he had come into regular contact with for… well… Kurama wasn't sure exactly how long it had been, but if he had to guess, he would say at least five hundred years or so, since before he had that falling out with all his fellow bijuu. '_**Number of tails doesn't represent power!**_' they had said. Pfft, yeah right, they were all just jealous because he was _obviously_ the strongest of the lot. Hell, even his son- no, relation, would probably grow to be able to smack that crazy-ass Shukaku around.

'_**Yeah,**_' he thought with his trademark smirk, '_**That'll be a good day.**_'

"Hey, Mr Kyuubi-san!" the object of his thoughts repeated, slightly louder this time. Kurama had eventually learned that simply ignoring the boy just did not work.

"**What is it now, gaki?**" the fox responded with a sigh. He seemed to be doing a lot of them recently.

"Why are you here?" Naruto asked, looking up at the fox with wide, curious eyes. For the past couple days Naruto found it a lot more comfortable to sit with his Mr Kyuubi-san, leaning up against the fox's arm-leg-whatever, rather than standing around by himself in the creepy hallways that made up his subconscious. Besides Mr Kyuubi-san had warm, fluffy 'fur' as he called it. Naruto still thought it looked an awful lot like hair though.

"**Didn't I tell you how I got sealed inside you twice already!**" actually it might have been three times now…

"Well I don't care about no 'seals' or whatever, I just wanna know _why_ you're here and all!" the blond started, "Like you're super famous right? So did you just decide to try and hide from the papa-rasi?"

"**Paparazzi,**" Kurama corrected unconsciously, "**And I'm more 'infamous,' than, 'famous.'**"

"Infamous?" Naruto asked, "Does that still mean that everyone knows you? Like jiji? Everyone knows him."

"**Infamous means that I'm well known for doing 'bad' things. But honestly 'bad' is just a subjective term.**" The fox responded knowledgably, "**Doing things like attempted genocide and all that.**"

"Oh. Hey Mr Kyuubi-san," the blond started again. Here we go. "What's a 'genocide'?"

"**Well a genocide is-**" Kurama abruptly cut himself off as he realised something, "**Wait! How the hell can you know what paparazzi are,**" Naruto just shrugged, "**and STILL for some god damned reason think you are a FOX!**" This gaki, Kurama would never understand him.

When he saw those blue eyes light up he knew he had said the wrong thing.

"Really, Mr Kyuubi-san! You think I'm a fox too?"

"**WHERE!?**" the distraught kitsune asked, "**WHERE DOES THIS COME FROM!? AND NO! I DON'T THINK YOU ARE A FOX, BECAUSE ****YOU AREN'T ONE! Why did you even start this conversation in the first place!?**"

"Well," the blond started, "You're _always _in here! I just wanted to know if there was a reason, like if you could come out of here or something if you wanted."

Another sigh.

"**You could have just said that in the first place!**" the frustrated fox argued, "**No, I can't get out of this seal,**" '_**At least without potentially setting off an unstoppable chain reaction of imploding dimensions throughout the theoretical multiverse,**_'"**BUT!**" he added, cutting off the blonde's inevitable pouting, "**There are ways for me to get out of this seal.**" To respond to this Naruto scrunched up his face and assumed his thinking pose.

'_**There is no way in hell he understood that,**_'

"I don't get it," Naruto said after a short time, breaking out of his thinking pose and resting back against his large furry pillow.

'_**Called it.**_'

Perhaps he had been spending too much time with the blond? Well it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter anyway. Cursed Yondaime and his inability to be a competent shinobi. Then again, perhaps Kurama was slightly biased on that point considering he wasn't a shinobi either.

But hey? At least he had a reason of it.

Because _nobody _wanted the giant fox with the nine deadly tails and more chakra then the entirety of the human race to be a ninja. Hell judging on the reactions Naruto got from his village it was pretty obvious that they didn't want anyone even _remotely _associated with himself becoming a ninja.

Not that Kurama was upset about that or anything, in fact it was quite the opposite, he was glad he didn't have ningen running after him, trying to turn him into a weapon all day. Even if Naruto was technically a weapon for the shameless monkeys, he certainly wasn't treated like one.

His history of being sealed was more out of fear and necessity, rather than controlling and weaponizing, he understood this. That didn't mean he had to like any of it though, and it sure as hell didn't mean stealing a century from him was justified.

"**Well,**" he started, thinking of a good example to use. His relation seemed to respond to examples rather well in comparison. "**Say for example you took that scrap of paper off,**" gesturing at the seal keeping him contained, "**You would be releasing the seal and letting me out.** ** You see, I can't do that myself, but it means I can get out of the seal.**"

"Ohhhhhhhh," Naruto said in realisation, getting to his feet and making his way over to his original side of the brown, rusted bars, looking up at the insignificant scrap of paper, "Let's just do that then!"

"**NO!**" Kurama blurted out, halting the blonde's train of thought, "**Because,**" he explained, "**If you do that there is a fair chance that you would die.**" It was odd. _Very _odd. _Very, very _odd. Even with his incredible memory, he couldn't ever remember _not_ wanting someone to die. True, he never wanted his oyaji to die either, he even got a little teary eyed – _not_ crying – back then, but even that felt a bit different than this. Hell, even a week ago he would have given a whole tail away for a chance like this… hmm, well maybe not a _whole _tail… or a tail at all actually. But the point still remained: what the fuck had changed so much? '_And that just means you care for him…_' "**And that just means you SHOULD FUCKING SHUT UP AND STAY DEAD!**" He unintentionally yelled out in an angry, mocking tone, drawing a confused look from the blond. Hey, speaking wasn't really his strong point, besides, he was still used to being alone in here.

"What was that for?" Naruto asked confused at the sudden outburst.

"**Nothing gaki. Just shoving some skeletons back in the closet.**"

"SUGOI! You have a closet in here?!" the blue eyed boy said, obviously more amazed by the fact that he thought that there was a closet in there somewhere, rather than the skeletons supposedly in it.

Another sigh.

"**A metaphorical one gaki. A metaphorical one. Although, sometime I'll tell you about my real skeleton closet if you want,**" Yep, something was really wrong with him. He honestly never thought the day when he would offer to tell anyone about his prized skeleton closet would ever come. Ever.

"Uh huh!" the boy nodded brightly and vigorously, "Anyway, we need to get back on track Mr Kyuubi-san. Author is a little confused to how he wrote 1300 odd words and the supposed plot is nowhere to be found yet, and reckons readers will be a bit bored of this. Or something like that anyway."

Wait.

WHAT?!

This kid could break the fourth wall?! Since when!?

"**What did you say kid!?**"

"Umm, 'uh huh'?" Naruto questioned.

"**NO! After that!**"

"Nothing?" the confused blond asked, "So are there any other ways you can get out then, or what?"

"**Well,**" the kitsune started, "**I could take over your body, but that's technically not me getting out of the seal at all…**"

"PERFECT!" Naruto exclaimed/interrupted, "We'll do that then! Today is all yours Mr Kyuubi-san!"

"**Ehm. No.**" he said bluntly. That would be weird. The gaki was related to him after all. Something about it just didn't sit right with him.

"No way Mr Kyuubi-san! You spend way too much time in here! You need to get some fresh air!" Naruto chided.

"**FINE. Whatever,**" he said with a tone of finality. It'd be good to stretch his legs anyway… Even if they weren't actually his. He was a bit hung up on the fact that he wouldn't be able to commit any mass murder or anything though. That'd be a sure fire way to get the brat, and himself killed. "**Was about time for you to wake up anyway.**"

"YEAH! Go Mr Kyuubi-san!" Naruto cheered. Because apparently this was the time to cheer? Maybe it made sense to a five year-old. Either way Naruto was happy to help out his _new_ number one favourite person ever. The Sarutobi he called 'jiji,' had recently been demoted to number two on his list. Don't get him wrong, he did love his jiji, but he absolutely _adored _his Mr Kyuubi-san. His jiji did kind of ditch him the other day too, something Mr Kyuubi-san had yet to do. Not to mention the fact that he only saw his jiji once a month or so.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen was feeling quite ashamed of himself right now.

Realisation had only just recently struck him, that he had totally ditched his surrogate grandson in the middle of a street he probably didn't know, in a village where everyone pretty much hated his guts.

And why, one might ask?

Because some snot-nosed genins killed Madam Shijimi's cat on some D rank mission leaving him with the damage control/paperwork for the situation. Needless to say the genin was no longer a shinobi. He totally deserved it too for interrupting surrogate grandson bonding time and giving him a ton of paperwork… oh yeah, and killing the cat.

Sarutobi Hiruzen was quite ashamed of himself, so all things considered he thought today the best time to revisit the young blond. With the embassy from Kumo arriving the previous day, paperwork had become significantly reduced, as many of the ninja were being kept in the village for security reasons, rather than out on missions in the field. So, he figured, it was the perfect time to take off work to visit the boy.

Arriving at the blonde's door he found himself hearing something quite odd from inside.

"**WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ONLY HAVE NOODLES IN SALTY BROTH!?**" A definitely-not-Naruto voice called out angrily.

Huh. Maybe the blond got a friend?

"**No, I don't want to try it!**" the definitely-not-Naruto voice called out responding to seemingly nothing.

Perhaps they had MPD, or schizophrenia, or something? Hiruzen wasn't really in the mood for questioning it however, he was in senile old man mode today, not Shinobi no Kami mode. As such he simply knocked on the door.

A muffled, "**Fuck,**" resounded from behind the door, before it slowly opened a fraction, revealing a small head of stark yellow hair, "**Hello?**" the definitely-not-Naruto voice asked from Naruto's mouth. Had he not been in senile old man mode this probably would have set off some warning bells, but alas…

"Oh, hello Naruto-kun. Can I come in?" He asked, a little upset. Had he really made it so Naruto wouldn't even open the door to him anymore? just because he ditched him the other day and then forgot about him for another few days?

"**Fuck you ningen! You'll never catch me!**" the definitely-not-Naruto voice cried, slamming the door shut in his face.

Stunned, he only vaguely noted the sound of a window breaking on the other side of the building. Specifically the sound of someone jumping through a window.

Had he really upset his surrogate grandson that much?

Had he not been in senile old man mode he probably would have noticed the red slitted eyes Naruto was bearing.

* * *

Fuck. Of all the god damned people in this entire place, of course it would have to be the bloody Sandaime Hokage. If he didn't already have hundreds of ninja swarming in on his position he would be surprised; there was no way the elderly Hokage hadn't noticed something off about the situation.

Right?

It didn't make matters any better that he now had yet another voice in his head.

'Mr Kyuubi-san! What'd you run away from jiji for!?' the newest addition asked.

'**BECAUSE, he probably already noticed something was up, and I'm not planning on getting either of us killed anytime soon gaki.**'

'But, but, it's _jiji_!' the blond said as if it solved everything, 'Hey look, there he is!'

"Naruto-kun! Wait up!" the venerable Hokage called out running after the blond.

"**Fuck,**" Kurama let out as he broke out in a run, not even knowing where he was going. After all, who needed to know the layout of some damned ningen settlement?

* * *

Ayame and Teuchi Ichiraku had become quite worried over the last few days. It had been quite some time since they last saw their favourite customer, since the day when that one house seemingly spontaneously combusted. Anyway they were quite worried for Naruto, and seeing as how pretty much everyone seemed to hate him, the responsibility fell to them to make sure he was alright.

They were on their way to check the blonde's apartment when suddenly the topic of their concerns ran straight past them in the street. That was certainly odd.

What was even more odd, was the elderly man that they would later recognise as the Sandaime Hokage, following closely behind him. However, all they saw at the moment was an old man chasing after a young boy, calling out 'Naruto-kun!' every few seconds.

"Hey touchan?" the young Ayame asked for confirmation, pulling a large thick soup ladle out from seemingly nowhere.

"Yes, Ayame-chan," The elder Ichiraku confirmed proudly, pulling out his own ladle, "We have a pedophile to hunt."

* * *

Inoichi and Ino Yamanaka were happily spending the nice, quiet morning in Konoha taking an equally nice and quiet walk. At least that was until a series of yells broke the peace.

Ino quickly spotted her newest friend running down the street closely followed by an old guy she recognised as the Hokage, a young girl wielding a soup ladle – and swinging it around furiously, she obviously knew how to use it – and what looked like a ramen chef also wielding a ladle. Both the latter shouting various obscenities at the Hokage that was now labelled a 'Damn creep!'

"Hey Naruto-kun!" Ino cried as her fellow blond passed her without even a second glance.

Geez at the very least he could've looked in her direction. Hmm, he seemed pretty busy though.

"Morning Inoichi-kun," the elderly Hokage said, as he made his own pass by. This was then closely followed by the ramen making, soup ladle wielding duo.

"Help us catch this damned pedo already!" Teuchi yelled out to them as they passed, obviously out of breath.

Both father and daughter simply stood completely still for a second as they took in the situation.

Then it hit Ino like a freight train. When the four of them met up at the park again yesterday, Naruto kept talking about some ramen restaurant, so the answer for this anomaly was obvious. Naruto was having a party and didn't invite her!

"YOU WAIT UP, YA HEAR NARUTO-KUN! YOU AIN'T HAVING A PARTY WITHOUT ME!" she yelled furiously, and started running after the group.

"Hey, Ino-chan! Don't just run off!" Inoichi scolded, breaking out of his stupor, and chasing after his daughter.

* * *

Shikaku, Shikamaru, and Choji weren't having that great a day today.

The main problem had been that they had all been kicked all been kicked out of the two Nara's home, courtesy of Nara Yoshino, Shikaku's wife, and Shikamaru's mother, claiming they, 'needed to do something productive.'

So far they simply walked around the block twice. It was apparently too troublesome for two of the members of the group to do anything else.

It was then that the oddest sight came into view, Shikamaru and Choji's newest friend, Uzumaki Naruto, running away from the Hokage, two raging ramen chefs, Ino, and finally Inoichi.

"**YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!**" Naruto said in a crazed definitely-not-Naruto voice, as he sped away from the crowd.

"Wait Naruto-kun! I'm sorry for ditching you!" the leader of the village called out as he passed them.

"GET AWAY FROM THE BOY, PEDOPHILE!" the ramen chefs cried, still waving the soup ladles around.

"Shikamaru! Choji!" Ino said, still furious, as she grabbed onto Choji's arm, who in turn grabbed on to Shikamaru's arm, as she passed by. "We're partying, got it?!"

"Shikaku!" Inoichi said shortly after, grabbing onto Shikaku's arm as he ran by, "We're getting the kids, got it?!"

"Troublesome…"

* * *

This continued for a far longer time than expected, hundreds of people all joining onto the train as it passed them, yet none of them, even the original group, knew what it was for.

Naruto, or more accurately Kurama, thought the group trying to kill him.

Sarutobi Hiruzen thought everyone was coming along to apologise to the blond demon container too. As unlikely as it seemed.

Ayame, Teuchi, and dozens of others, mainly civilians, thought they were putting an end to a horrible, child molesting monster.

Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji, thought there was a massive party going on, and they were the only ones in the village not to get an invitation.

Shikaku and Inoichi were more concerned about getting their kids somewhere safe.

The entire ANBU force thought there was a terrorist attack going on, and rushed to the aid of the Hokage – the supposed strongest in the village – to protect him.

General members of the public thought the Hokage was chasing Naruto to reprimand him on something, and decided to show their support.

Uchiha Itachi, was chasing a certain soup ladle wielding girl that he had been stalking recently.

Half the Uchiha clan was following Itachi, because that's what they did.

A bit more than half of the Hyuuga clan were there just to show up the Uchiha clan.

Uncountable numbers of fangirls from dozens of notable individuals thought that they were all going to engage in hot, passionate, love together, which they would watch intently and memorise, to later spend hours writing yaoi fanfiction about the event.

This would later be known as the single largest gathering of fangirls in history.

It was about this point when definitely-not-Naruto, still at the front of the crowd, reached the top of the Hokage monument. It was time to do something drastic.

"**ENOUGH!**" Kurama yelled out, silencing and stopping everybody, as he inched backwards, towards the edge of the cliff overlooking Konoha, "**IF I'M GOING DOWN, I'M TAKING THIS WHOLE VILLAGE AND EVERYONE HERE WITH ME!**"

"Naru-" Hiruzen started, only to be cut off.

"**NO ONE MAKES A MOVE!**" he yelled out, full intent on breaking the seal and dealing with the repercussions of such an act later, "**I'M CRAZY! I'LL DO IT!**" As he inched closer towards the edge again.

* * *

"I told you they weren't tryin' ta kill anybody Mr Kyuubi-san!" Naruto cried in childish glee upon the return of the fox.

"**Yeah whatever, gaki,**" said fox grumbled, finishing in a stern tone, "**I am never doing that again, you got that?**"

"WHAT?!" the blond asked incredulously, "It looked like _soooo _much fun!"

"**What the hell about running for your, and more importantly, my, life, could seem fun?!**" the nine-tails responded in an equally incredulous tone. In truth nothing in the whole situation was fun. The death threat Kurama gave had come up very anticlimactic, because apparently five year-old's couldn't be taken seriously, or something like that.

It had simply stretched off into an awkward silence. A very awkward silence. One complete with a supposed five year-old making a death threat to thousands of people, attempting suicide, and making bets on the stability of the fabric of reality. So yeah, awkward. Especially when no one had a clue what he was doing it for.

The silence stretched on nobody making a move, until that is, a fight broke out between the leaders of the 'Kakashi-kun fan club' and the, 'Itachi-kun fan club.'

Few of the hundreds gathered dared interfere with this fight. Those who did, naturally, were either claiming someone else was 'hotter,' or were part of the 'Kakashi x Itachi yaoi fan club.'

This would later be known as the single largest reason why fangirls never gathered ever again.

During the fighting and confusion of the fight, Kurama had finally come to the correct conclusion that everybody was not here to kill him, and the fact that absolutely no one in the entire crowd knew what was going on or why they had gathered, and managed to slip away since he was no longer the focus of attention.

"Well, I don't know!" the blue eyed brat said, breaking him from his musings, "It just did!"

He thought about giving another sigh – he seemed to be doing a lot of those recently. Perhaps too many? In any case he had more important things to worry about right now. For example; "**So,**" Kurama started calmly, "**WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON MY HEAD!**"

It was a good question.

"Uhhh," was his response, "I got _really _bored."

The fox just started at him.

"What?" he asked, "You try bein' in here all day with nothing to do!"

* * *

Omake: Mr Kyuubi-san's skeleton closet

"So what's your skeleton closet, Mr Kyuubi-san?" the bright eyed blond asked curiously. He had been wondering about this for a while.

"**Ahh, well, it's not really a closet per se, that's the first thing you need to know about it,**" the fox started, "**It's actually just some cave, but I call it a closet all the time just to make a terrible pun about it.**"

"Really?! What's the pun?" Naruto asked.

Another sigh.

"**Never mind that now,**" Kurama said, brushing it off, "**Anyway, it's basically just this cave in Hi no kuni, were I chuck bodies of famous people, people I hate the most, people I just ended up killing, and a bunch of other dead people.**"

Naruto's eyes just started sparkling.

"Really!? Like Who?"

"**Well, let's see here,**" the kyuubi started, remembering his collection, "**Some chick called 'Buffy,' seriously, what kind of name is that? Luke Skywalker's right hand, never did get the rest of that one, a couple dozen guys all going by the name 'Smith,' an old man that really pissed me off by saying that I, I, of all people, could not pass. Hmm… Two 'Anne Hathaway's,' some talking lion that was apparently god somewhere, Tom Baker, enough said, someone called 'Peter Venkman' who was pissing me off, some really fucking creepy, pasty, goth ningen without a nose, some insane ningen with a flying DeLorean, Kristen Stewart, really hated her, her face never made emotions…**"

He continued on, listing off name after name, or at least descriptions if he didn't know their names, for a number of minutes, as Naruto just looked on in awe, despite not knowing exactly what all, or any, of this actually meant. Finally he came to a close on his 'shortened' list.

"**-Jabba the Hutt, a midget with a jewellery obsession, and finally Tony Abbott, probably the most evil on the list.**"

"Sugoi!" Naruto gasped out, "You really have all them Mr Kyuubi-san?"

"**Yes of course, them and more,**" he said, "**Don't doubt me gaki.**"

"But, but, where did you get all of them?" Naruto pouted.

"**Ehhhh…**"

**Flashback**

Even if Kurama would never admit it, one thing was true: Uzumaki Mito was damned good at fuinjutsu.

There were few people among the world who could even claim to be seal masters, and nearly all of those were part of the Uzumaki clan. Still, none of those could even hold a candle to Mito's work.

Hell, none of Mito's previous work could even compare to her most recent project. What she had done simply ignored the laws of physics.

The demon she had recently sealed inside of herself, had become quite bitchy as of late, and as such she had decided to mess with the seal and incorporate something to make it not so bitchy.

After all who could complain when they had Wi-Fi?

Kurama certainly wouldn't admit it, but he was incredibly grateful for a seal with internet connection. Now he just had to find something to do on the internet for however long he would be sealed for.

**Sometime later**

"**God damn it! Why couldn't Luke Skywalker's severed hand be a 'Buy It Now'!?**" echoed throughout the small pocket dimension that existed inside of Uzumaki Mito, "**Fuck it. I'll just have to outbid him… Shouldn't have let me see your VISA card Mito, shouldn't have let me see it.**"

**End Flashback**

"…**Around.**"

* * *

A/N: Don't think the Naruto world has internet? Too bad! It's been proven that the Naruto world has cameras, televisions, COMPUTERS, wireless radios, and damn VHS tapes! Hell, the universe has freaking satellite dishes! You know what that means? People in the Naruto world have been to space! Or at the very least have the ability to send objects into orbit!

Need more proof?

The Daimyo's ninja-skype each other every now and then!

On other notes, this chapter was just a random idea I had, and I needed to spend a chapter strengthening the bond between Naruto and Kurama, for what's going to happen next chapter. So just treat the whole thing as a massive omake.

Now, that seems like everything, so as always: pLzs reveiw tihs is mah 1st story so plss no bad reveiw!1!1 thxxx!

But in all seriousness, thankyou to everyone who reviewed, favourited, followed, or even just took the time out of your day to read this, it means a lot.

As a response to King of Bad Naming Sense: Glad you're enjoying, and you don't have to worry about that, this isn't a dark Naruto fic or anything, but he will have an idea of what his career choice will consist of. If anything, he's going to influence Kurama more than the other way around, so I plan on keeping him innocent for a while longer. When I mentioned that Naruto wouldn't stay like this, I was meaning to change him a lot, _after_ he became a ninja and gained first had experience of everything, so that is still a while off yet.

As a response to FujoshiKiyo: Ahhh... sorry about the whole grammar and missing word thing, I suppose that's a byproduct of editing at 2am huh? Hopefully this chapter is a bit better on that front though. Also, next chapter will be the last one _only _focusing on Kurama and Naruto, and after that we'll get more with Naruto interacting with others, like Jiraya, Iruka, and Sasuke, to name a few, not to mention more with Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru. Glad your enjoying though!

Ja ne!


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